“Energy vampires” are people who drain your emotional energy, whether intentionally or not.
Do you feel emotionally drained after talking to friends, colleagues, or family members? Do you always leave feeling anxious or irritated after spending time with them? Are you facing an energy vampire? It may be.
There are many reasons why people engage in energy-draining behaviors, including mental health conditions, certain attachment types, and past trauma. Some people, including empaths, are more easily emotionally drained than others.
Once you identify an energy vampire in your life, you can develop ways to protect yourself and your energy, such as setting boundaries and getting used to saying no.
You may not realize that someone is an energy vampire when you first meet them, but you will know if you are close to one if they consistently make you feel the following:
- overstimulated
- I was irritated
- indifferent
- tired
- I felt stressed
At first, they may seem very friendly. Almost overly friendly. It may be natural to want to take them under your wing, especially if they’re quick to tell you about their down-on-their-luck story.
This is a common approach for energy vampires.
Jasmine Cobb, LCSW, a trauma therapist in Tyler, Texas, explains that energy vampires are often codependent. This means that they are drawn to others to satisfy their needs and find it difficult to be self-sufficient.
“An energy vampire is someone who repeatedly takes in energy and lacks insight and awareness of how it affects interpersonal issues,” she says.
Dr. Nancy Irwin, a licensed clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, says common signs of an energy vampire include:
- talk more about themselves than about you or anyone else
- There’s drama in my life
- have a victim mentality
- pessimism
- envy
- demand a lot of attention
- poverty
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist in Long Beach, Calif., adds that other energy vampire behaviors include:
- I want you to always respond according to the other person’s conditions.
- expect you to be responsible for them
- Use guilt to get you to do what they want
in group settings
When an energy vampire enters a group dynamic, you may notice that everyone becomes quiet. Humor is crushed by seriousness. You may feel like you’re “killing the atmosphere.”
Other signs of an energy vampire in a group setting are:
- People stay away from group conversations that include them
- They ask uncomfortably personal questions in front of everyone.
- the conversation turns to their lives
- they reject someone else’s solution to their problem
- they talk about other people
- they insert themselves into the conversation
- They ignore social cues and boundaries
- they become attached to one person in the group
- they alleviate other people’s problems
In the presence of an energy vampire, you may find that everyone’s temper becomes short-tempered, and even your mild-mannered friends become irritated or sarcastic.
There is not a single personality that corresponds to an energy vampire. Different types of people can drain you mentally and emotionally for different reasons.
Cobb points out that in addition to codependency, people who developed anxious, avoidant, and anxious attachment styles in childhood may have a natural tendency toward energy vampire behavior. .
Tessina said mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety may also play a role.
Irwin points out that psychotic states can have features associated with attention-seeking and neediness, similar to the mania seen in bipolar disorder.
Personality disorders may also contribute to a tendency to ignore other people’s feelings and boundaries, she says, citing:
“Or it could be someone who has unresolved trauma, abuse, or neglect and a lot of confusion, toxicity, and drama,” Irwin says.
If you are an empath (a person who is highly sensitive to the emotions of others), you may be susceptible to energy vampires.
“A natural desire to help those who are suffering can make you susceptible. You must learn to tell the difference between those who accept your help and use it to heal.” And those who absorb it but do not benefit from it,” warns Tessina.
Your personal mental health can also drain your energy.
Mental health conditions such as depression, sadness, and anxiety can leave you emotionally vulnerable and unable to maintain firm boundaries to protect your emotional energy.
“If you don’t have firm boundaries in place, it’s easy for energy vampires to bend them in their favor,” Cobb says.
If you encounter an energy vampire, you don’t have to feel like you need a restorative nap. Here are some tips to protect your energy.
assertive communication
Cobb recommends communicating proactively and directly.
For example, saying, “Let’s get back to the point about this topic so you don’t miss anything” is a respectful way to prevent energy vampires from stealing your conversation.
ask for space
If you can’t avoid the person, you may have to ask for space.
Irwin recommends being kind but clear, suggesting saying things like:
To be honest, I feel overwhelmed at times. I don’t mean to offend you, but I need some space. I can’t keep up. ”
learn how to say no
It can be hard to say no, especially if you’re a people-pleaser.
But “no” is a boundary, and energy vampires need to maintain boundaries or they will cross over.
If you don’t feel comfortable going out to lunch with someone, it’s okay to say no. They may try to blame you, but it may be a good reminder of why you said no in the first place.
An energy vampire is someone who uses your positive energy to offset your negative energy and sucks it away from you by patiently listening, showing sympathy, and offering words of encouragement. Refers to a person who is prone to
There are many reasons why being around someone drains your energy, but you can protect yourself by maintaining strong boundaries and communicating proactively.
