The right scent won’t cure grief, but it can help us recognize, commemorate, and perhaps celebrate. I lost it
As you scroll through PerfumeTok’s fragrance-obsessed world, you’ll quickly become convinced that perfumes play with your emotions. The scent that dominates the feed looks like a blend of aromatherapy, self-care, and a bit of a Machiavellian tale. Think Mind Energy by The Nue Co or Sun Ræ by Vyrao. Both promise a change in mental state. Or think of Phlur’s popular Missing person perfume, which is said to smell like the person you miss most.
However, those who have lost someone close to them don’t need to smell Phlur’s viral perfume to understand the scent of absence. Every mourner has a scent that reminds them of the deceased: Chanel N°5, freshly blooming roses, coffee grounds. For me, it’s my late father’s favorite perfume, Calvin Klein Eternity. For Zoe Lind Van’t Hoff, an herbalist who lost her mother nearly 10 years ago, that scent is jasmine. “Every time I smell that scent, I still think of her mother’s embrace,” she says.Perfumer and scent artist Frank Bloom, who created a series of end-of-life scents for funeral museums. tot soberhas a similar story. When his friend smelled his scent during a visit to his atelier, he burst into tears. “As it turned out, there was something in the scent that reminded him of his father’s perfume,” he says.
Perfume may be able to make people cry, but can it also alleviate sadness? After all, Bloom points out, perfume is inherently rooted in funerary rituals. “In ancient Egypt, fragrances were used for bonfires and other rituals that symbolized the transition from earthly to heavenly,” he says. “White lilies remain popular in funeral bouquets because of their strong scent that masks the scent of death. Similarly, Florida water is still used in many memorial ceremonies.”
Bloom explains how These scents work on an emotional level. “Perfume is not a drug; it does not chemically change the body. But it is a powerful tool for evoking emotions and memories, as long as you associate that memory with the scent in question.”
He highlights the scent of lavender, which is commonly known for its calming properties. “It’s not because the scent of lavender is inherently calming; rather, it’s because we’ve been trained to associate this scent with tranquility. For example, when you were a child, your mother used to smell your pillow. Because I sprayed it with lavender oil.” Like certain sights and sounds, scents evoke memories. but, neuroscientist Memories triggered by scents have been proven to be more subconscious and emotionally intense than memories triggered by photos or songs. “Inhaling natural scented oils is known to stimulate the limbic system, an area of the brain associated with emotional regulation,” says Constanze Saemann, founder of aromatherapy perfume brand Vasium. explains.
When I smell my father’s perfume, it brings back more than just memories of him. Between the top and heart notes, I hear him whistling in the shower and remember the wrinkles in his skin, his flannel shirt, his leather flip-flops, his cigarette smoke. I feel peaceful and languid when I see the sunlight shining through the old and dirty windows. Just like when I was a teenager. Similarly, the scent of jasmine doesn’t just remind Lind van’t Hof of her mother’s embrace.For a moment, she actually in Hugs that relive details that were too mundane to be remembered or photographed, but are now priceless.
In a world where grief is often misunderstood as a series of steps to completion, the last step being ‘letting go’ of the deceased, this jogging of intense emotional memories does not seem to be of much use. . Increasingly, however, therapists argue that mourners can benefit from reinventing (rather than ending) their relationship with the deceased. In her paper, “Help with physical sadness”, therapist Deanna Reisen explores how mourners can use sensory cues to do this. Touching a loved one’s flannel shirt, listening to a favorite song, or smelling a lotion gives her new access to old memories that were unconsciously stored in her body. She also highlights the therapeutic potential of scents that mourners have not yet associated with the deceased. For example, lighting a scented candle while looking at holiday photos can help release positive memories from the pain of loss.
Moreover, perfumes for sadness already exist. One of its iterations that you may be familiar with is Byredo’s De Los Santos.Developer: Ben Gorham After losing my father and best friend, this perfume is inspired by mourning rituals around the world. When you spray it on your skin, it smells like sage, palo santo, and incense. Like sadness itself, Byredo’s scent lingers around me as I go about my day.It smells decadent and mournful. and Celebration: Commemoration. But even before Gorham developed de los Santos, Lind van’t Hof had embarked on a similar mission.
“After my mother passed away, I realized that scent was still a deep way to connect with her, but also a way to soothe myself,” she explains. So she developed a fragrant essential oil balm with notes of lavender, chamomile, and bergamot to help calm her mind. But there are also strong scents of rose and frankincense, suggesting ritual, passion, love, and intense emotional experiences. “Grief is unpredictable in terms of when you feel it,” she says. The purpose of grief balms is to provide a scent that is portable and can be applied when needed. “It’s about creating a ritual, knowing that it’s okay to feel grief whenever and wherever it happens.”
I agree with Bloom that perfume is not a drug. But that’s exactly what can help people grieve. It doesn’t hide your emotions or chemically change your brain. “It’s not bad for you. It’s not harmful or addictive,” Bloom says. Proper organization won’t cure grief, but it can help you recognize, commemorate, and perhaps celebrate. Importantly, it helps disentangle loving memories from the pain of loss. That is why the person is reduced to a memory in the first place. Indeed, there is a base note of sadness. But there are also top notes of nostalgia and memories.
