I know I’m not alone in wanting my children to have a positive relationship with their bodies, from how they look to how much space they take up to how their bodies change over time. This is why I cringe every time Botox is brought up in front of my children.
Approved by the FDA in 2002 to temporarily paralyze facial muscles that cause wrinkles, the $4.3 billion industry is expected to grow more than 10% annually through 2035. , maybe the sound is getting louder.
I’m not here to criticize people who participate in anti-aging treatments. But even when adults talk about the time and money they spend erasing all the signs of aging with Botox, lasers, and even make-up, it’s important to remember that in 10, 20, or 30 years’ time, that’s what children will be looking at in 10, 20, or 30 years. It does not bring about acceptance. .
I’m active in anti-aging efforts myself, and while I’m not immune to our screwed-up culture where “old” and “ugly” are basically synonymous, I want to do more for my children. I want something good. If I can completely protect them from age bias, maybe they won’t think twice about how they see themselves in the future.
Since I’m a mom and not an expert, I asked Zoe Bivin, LCSW, therapist and founder of Body Positive Home, for a little advice.
Does participating in anti-aging culture really ruin our children?
Here’s Bibin’s answer: perhaps. “How we choose to spend our precious time and resources says a lot to our children. And because of that, who really cares about their wrinkles or how they look 30 years from now?” I don’t know if I’m going to start getting obsessed,” she says. myself.
What’s the scary part? We are not alone in contributing to children’s ability to understand and accept aging. “Children open their medicine cabinets and see anti-aging wrinkle creams next to toothpaste, but it’s also in the fabric of our environment,” she says. Like anti-fat bias, age bias isn’t just learned at home. It is unconsciously implanted in our children through lack of representation in the media. After all, new york times Culture section writer Amanda Hess eloquently pointed out a few years ago that, “For most actresses over 50, the alternative to plastic surgery is not to age gracefully, but to become obsolete.”
Bottom line: We’re not just teaching our kids that aging sucks every time we slather on retinol or miss a softball game for a Botox appointment. Age bias is prevalent around children no matter what we say or do. This is even more reason to be intentional about what values we want to instill in our children.
To young children, old age may seem light years away, but by talking about our aging bodies in front of our children, we can help them understand how their bodies will change on the horizon. Bivin said it could be better prepared to deal with the situation. (It’s the beginning of adolescence.) Therefore, no one is responsible.
Why do we care so much about anti-aging?
There’s a reason we can’t stop talking about wrinkles, age spots, and gray hair and how to overcome them.
“The older you get, the more you get further away and alienated from the constructs of what an ideal body shape should be,” Bibbing told me. (Again? Blame the culture.) “It’s this common experience of losing the ‘capital’ we had as young and beautiful people, where we do everything we can to look young or , you either say, ‘I’m not going.’ That comes with a loss of privilege,” she says. And none of us are here for that.
Is it noteworthy? How aging looks is only part of it. “Confronting morality is difficult,” Bivin writes. “It is fundamentally important for us to talk to each other about the common experience of growing older and its challenges.”
What would happen if we stopped talking about aging altogether?
Bivin insists the answer is no. That’s a good thing because I honestly don’t know how to connect with other moms if I have to be so cold about my favorite topics, like general fatigue and how long a hangover lasts (and a glass of wine!) A cup of
But there are some themes that need to be set aside, Bivin tells me. “When you talk negatively about yourself, you normalize self-deprecation and pass that inner voice on to your children,” she says. “If we stopped talking about our bodies, everyone’s body image would improve.”
Whether you make a seemingly innocuous comment or completely blurt out “old bag,” it’s never too late to make peace and set the record straight for the sake of the kids by your side. try, “What I just said about myself was mean. I’m trying hard to be kinder to myself. Has anything like that ever happened to you?”
“Creating teachable moments takes the pressure off of having to get it perfect every time,” Bivin explains.
Is there Kosher Body Talk?
No one said we have to pretend bodies and all those weird nuances don’t exist. “Bodies are cool. It’s perfectly okay to marvel at bodies and the unexpected things they do. It allows space for grief to process and change what it means to be human,” Bisbing said. To tell.
Until that point, it’s okay to laugh about the changes along the way…like your breasts never going back to what they were before you had kids. “It’s about using humor in a constructive and therapeutic way to process change.”
Speaking of change, the best way to model resilience for children who are about to undergo a major change is to look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself in a neutral position. try, “My body is changing and I’m trying to accept myself.” (Certainly beat, “Oh please delete this face!”)
How do I teach my children to accept themselves and not be hypocrites when I am not accepted?
Listening intently means you have questions to answer when you participate in an anti-aging treatment. It is not easy to explain why mom wants to change her face without affecting the child’s inner dialogue and irreparably damaging the child’s own self-esteem.
The struggle is real, as they say. “There’s anti-aging work going on, and there’s a culture of celebrating it, normalizing it, and talking about it,” Bibbing points out. And by revealing our own inner conflicts when explaining our actions to older children, we may be able to participate in the former but not the latter. try, “I’m doing this because I’m feeling anxious, but I’m working on not wanting it and I’m fighting it. Someday you might feel conflicted too, so you can help yourself. I want you to know so that you can make a choice.”
But if you think any of these are one-and-done meetings, think again. “It’s hard to have 100 one-minute conversations and say, ‘We live in this culture, but the hard thing is, we can’t all have the same bodies, but we should all look a certain way. You want to plant a seed that says, ‘There’s this idea that, ‘And we can’t all stay young,”’ Bivin suggests.
The goal is to give children body autonomy so that when they grow up and step into their parents’ shoes, they can think critically about how they want to spend their time and money. It is to do so. This all sounds like a lot of work, but let’s consider another method. “Total abstinence, as taught by Takama, doesn’t teach us all that much,” she says. She’d rather teach kids to stay safe (i.e. get injections from a dermatologist) than pretend the anti-aging industry doesn’t exist. She said, “You don’t need to attract attention, but you don’t need to hide either.”
Because after all? “We all get older,” Bivin says. “It’s great to normalize it and protect yourself more than anything.”
