What is Spiritual Bypassing? | Psychology Today

Last week, John Welwood, a renowned psychotherapist and author in the field of transpersonal psychology, passed away. Welwood is the man who coined the term “spiritual bypass,” so now seems a good time to honour him and his work.

In his classic book, Towards a psychology of arousal In Spiritual Bypassing, one of the textbooks for his doctoral studies, he defined spiritual bypassing as “the use of spiritual ideas or practices to avoid personal or emotional ‘unfinished business,’ to shore up a fragile sense of self, or to neglect basic needs, feelings, or developmental tasks.” He argued that the goal of such practices was enlightenment.

This habit may feel more pronounced today, when there seems to be so much anxiety and uncertainty in our inner and outer worlds. The basis of spiritual bypassing is essentially avoidance and repression, and for some people, spirituality serves as a way to get over or cope beneath the shaky ground.

Welwood said the actual use of spiritual practices is undermined when they are used to compensate for difficult traits such as low self-esteem, social isolation or other emotional issues. In other words, using these practices to mask problems seems like an easy way out, as opposed to addressing the source of the actual problem or challenge.

Many of us know people who run away from their problems by going on spiritual journeys. However, when these people return home, they may feel temporarily enlightened, but in the end, they are wrecked by the problems that drove them on their spiritual journey in the first place. All the fear, confusion, and drama remain, and nothing has actually been accomplished.

One woman who was raised by a narcissistic mother claimed that for most of her life she had swallowed her anger and tried to just be a “good girl.” She rarely let out anger and kept it all to herself. From an early age, she began practicing Transcendental Meditation and reading spiritual books as a way to calm herself down during difficult times.

As she approached midlife, a friend encouraged her to seek the help of a therapist to address the underlying issues that were not only causing problems in her relationships but also leading her to fall into spiritual bypassing. Through therapy, she learned that it was much healthier to speak her opinions out loud rather than keeping them inside.

Telling others how you feel is not something she learned as a child, and habits ingrained at an early age are often difficult to change. But after starting to speak her thoughts out loud, this woman not only felt better, but she noticed it had a positive impact on all of her relationships. After addressing these issues, she continued with spiritual practices like meditation, prayer, yoga, healthy eating, exercise, and grounding — all of which supported her change, not replaced it.

Welwood also states that anger is an empty emotion or wave rising in the ocean of consciousness, often meaningless. This emotion also leads to spiritual bypassing. Anger often comes from repressed emotions that are not addressed and can get out of hand. By taking the time to recognize the type of difficult emotion being bypassed, you can learn how to deal with it. The most effective way to deal with it is to recognize the emotion, face it, and honor it without suppressing it, as Buddhists do. Essentially, do not give it power. Ingrid Clayton, in her article Beware of Spiritual Bypassing (2011), argues that spiritual bypassing is a defense mechanism that looks different from other defense mechanisms, but has the same purpose.

Welwood says many clients come to him with impasses in their lives that spiritual practices can’t solve or help, whether they’re personality issues or relationship problems, and he’s always been struck by the fact that these people might have sophisticated spiritual practices, but often don’t practice self-love.

After attending many spiritual retreats and meeting many leaders in the field, I have learned the importance of having compassion not only for myself, but also for those who are facing challenges. My father used to say, “You never know what someone else is feeling until you’ve put yourself in their shoes,” and his ancient wisdom still rings true even 30 years after his death.

Signs of emotional bypassing:

• They are not focused on the here and now and spend most of their time in the mental realm.
• Overemphasizing the positive and avoiding the negative.
• Being self-righteous about the concept of enlightenment.
• Being overly isolated.
• Being overly idealistic.
• Have a sense of rights.
• Expresses anger frequently.
• You fall into cognitive dissonance.
• Being overly sympathetic.
• They pretend that everything is fine, but in reality, it is not.

References