storyline Michael Norton, 48, a psychology professor at Harvard University, has spent the past decade studying ritual. What exactly are they? Why do humans do that? And are they any good for us? his new book, The power of ritual: The transformative power of our everyday actions (Penguin Life, £20) will be published next month*.
overview Norton said the ceremony can take on many different guises. Some are luxurious. Think of a religious ceremony that involves “robes, candles, and chanting.” Superstitions – such as tennis player Rafael Nadal bouncing the ball before serving and adjusting his shorts multiple times. And everyday things – for example, why does someone always put their left sock on before their right sock?
Finally, the small, everyday, often unconscious actions that humans perform ritually are the ones that interest Norton the most.
hardliner According to Norton, the difference between a ritual and a custom is whether the act has “meaning.” For example, many people drink a cup of tea every morning. But for some people, that cup of tea has to be drunk in a specific mug and brewed in a specific order.
“Adding these details to everyday actions, like always using the same mug no matter what, makes them a little more emotional and meaningful,” he says. “Habits become automatic and rituals become energized.”
love line Besides making the mug meaningful, Norton found that rituals can improve a person’s love life. He studied several couples and found that couples who practiced rituals (for example, some couples always clap their forks together before meals) were 5 to 10 percent more satisfied with their relationships than couples without rituals. It was reported that there was. You can “get married, buy a house, things like that,” but it’s often the actions that are repeated every day that are “the most important sign of commitment.”
Ritual “strengthens bonds” with others and “functions as an emotional generator in our lives.” (“What creates emotion” is a phrase from Harvard University that refers to “what makes you happy.”)
guidelines A functional marriage sounds great with a pitchfork, but can you intentionally establish rituals to improve your life? Sometimes. In some situations, such as work, if a ritual is mandated, it is not particularly effective. The same is true in other cases.
Norton recommends practices used in group therapy. With this method, families with children still living at home commit to having a meal together for at least 30 minutes just once a week. It’s very easy so far. But Norton believes that for the ritual to work, families should do something “different” at dinner. This means eating food on the carpet instead of the table, like a picnic, or banning common questions like “How was school today?” ‘.
In the future Another tip, Norton says, is to look at what you’re already doing.
“I encourage you to “audit” your current rituals. That way, you’ll be more aware and appreciative when you play. You might even laugh a little when you realize you’re doing it. ”
(After speaking with Norton, I do a ritual audit. I notice that I always put the right contact lens in before the left. I’ve been doing this every day for the past 15 years and never I didn’t realize it. But Norton is right. Now I know, but this small everyday act, in a way, amuses me.)
life line Another good thing about rituals is that they can calm us down. Nadal says endlessly adjusting his shorts isn’t something he should do, but when he does it “it means you’re focused.” He’s not the only celebrity with unique performance habits.
Coldplay frontman Chris Martin says he doesn’t “feel smart enough” if he doesn’t brush his teeth before going on stage, and Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards always drinks Shepherd’s Pie before a show. claims to eat. (The 80-year-old musician doesn’t say specifically why he does this, only that food is “pure fuel, ask the shepherds.”)
conclusion I asked Norton if these were not beneficial rituals but just silly superstitions. “Look, it would be great if you could tell yourself to feel a certain way and it would become your reality. It would be great if you could tell yourself, ‘Calm down!’ when you’re nervous.” I guess. And it magically calms down.
But humans can’t do that. ” So we instead turn to rituals like brushing our teeth or eating pie, even if it’s irrational.
“We use this ritual to tell ourselves, ‘I feel different now.'”
To pre-order your copy of T.The power of rituals: The transformative power of our daily actions For £17 until April 14, visit mailshop.co.uk/books or call 020 3176 2937. Free UK delivery on orders over £25.
