Writing a column with broken ribs is not easy. Breathing with broken ribs isn’t much fun either. This is one of the few injuries that cause discomfort through life activities. It hurts every time I breathe. It’s like a never-ending session of sadomasochism.
Seeking medical advice online will not help. One of the main symptoms of rib fractures is breathing pain. One of the important treatments for rib fractures is to take lots of deep breaths. It’s like being stabbed in the chest and being treated by Edward Scissorhands.
Of course, this stupid injury was completely self-inflicted. On a recent holiday, her daughter decided to demonstrate martial arts. I reminded her that she can block like Ms. Miyagi. Her kick smashed through my ribcage, reminding me that I couldn’t do it.
So I ventured online to try self-medicating, but the advice was often contradictory. stand up. please sit down. Don’t move. Keep moving. It hurts to breathe. Please breathe more. It was like listening to a doctor with Tourette’s disease.
However, paracetamol had little effect and the stinging sensation did not go away. So, in desperation, I ventured into the unfamiliar territory of self-healing practices and tumbled down a Lewis Carroll-like rabbit hole filled with sound healers, name chanting, tuning forks, and Reiki sessions. I did. All these alternative medicines, treatments, and vaginal scented candles showed up in my search engine (and you’ll see what else the Google algorithm shows for “vaginal scented candles”) .
I may sound like a wheezing old man with a broken rib, but my knowledge of alternative medicine goes beyond acupuncture. Acupuncture is really only considered an “alternative” in the same way that Coldplay is considered an alternative. Not true. These are mainstream products that are acceptable at bland dinner parties.
Can self-healing power really cure all diseases?
But even acupuncture was a wild walk for me. literally. About 10 years ago, a dedicated physiotherapist at Raffles Place decided that my back pain required a lot of deliberate needles and accidentally punctured my lungs. (Later at the hospital, the doctor said I had mysteriously “long lungs,” so I’ve since added that to my Tinder profile.)
But conventional medicine was like that even 10 years ago. Now it’s all about self-healing. Singaporean actress Cynthia Ko’s energy healing process was covered in detail in her recent Yahoo Southeast Asia article, and I was particularly struck by the concept of sound healing. It is the use of certain instruments, music and other sound vibrations to heal the body.
I listened to the Sex Pistols British anarchybut pogoing did nothing for my ribs.
Of course I’m joking. This process involves atmospheric sound frequencies to promote deep rest and calm the nervous system. This tradition dates back to Australia’s indigenous peoples and has been used by Tibetan monks for centuries.
Sometimes a tuning fork is used. Its gentle vibrations are said to relax the mind. I tried it with a regular fork at the dining table and it was like a toddler refusing to eat porridge.
There is also an ancestral vibration of saying your name out loud over and over again, which can trigger a deep visceral response. I’m on board with this too. There’s nothing more cathartic than waiting outside the stage before a talk at a school and hearing 1,000 students screaming my name.
The only healing technique that was vaguely well known was Reiki. My Singaporean friend swears by it. When he told me how much he would pay for each session, I swore so too.
Basically, Reiki practitioners place their hands directly on or near the person and send energy to the person. I wish West Ham manager David Moyes was a Reiki practitioner.
Traditional treatment and new era treatment
Yes, I think you noticed the flirtatious tone. In an industry where there’s always more than just a placebo effect, it’s easy to be a little skeptical, but there are plenty of snake oil salespeople determined to prove otherwise. Crazy fringe ruins everyone.
Type in “health” or “self-healing practices” and you’ll end up with Novak Djokovic’s smart water or Gwyneth Paltrow’s vaginal candles. (Imagine combining these two.)
Paltrow has built a multi-million dollar wellness empire, Goop, that includes jade eggs for her vagina (we have no idea), $15,000 worth of dildos (still no idea), and actually a brand called “This Smells Like My (OK, I gave up.) She recorded a wellness podcast while hooked up to an IV, injecting nutrients into her body throughout the recording. I was there. That’s commitment.
The most radical thing I’ve ever done on the Yahoo Southeast Asia Soccer Podcast is praise Tottenham Hotspur.
Meanwhile, Djokovic, a self-proclaimed vaccine denier and health guru, told supporters that positive thinking can cleanse contaminated water. Forget about Wimbledon, the tennis icon should be standing outside her NEWater plant pumping positive thoughts into the filtration pipes. He will save us billions of dollars.
But don’t be cynical: Wellness is big business now. In 2020, the Global Wellness Institute reported that the global wellness economy was worth USD 4.4 trillion, with Asia Pacific at USD 1.5 trillion and Singapore at USD 12 billion. And the city-state just wrapped up its second wellness festival. The festival featured over 180 activities, including sound baths, beat therapy, and stretching flows, and was a huge hit.
Of course, medical benefits are still under debate. In 2011, The Guardian reported on a study in which American nurses recruited 200 cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy to test whether Reiki healing sessions improved patients’ well-being. That was overwhelmingly true.
However, medical experts still generally believe that this is a placebo effect and should not be used as a substitute for certain treatments.
Still, if they can be used together, and there is a recognition that self-healing treatments can be calming and relieve anxiety, even without curing the underlying disease, then it’s really a bad thing. is it?
What I really want to say is that I will continue to take paracetamol for my rib injury as per my doctor’s traditional instructions. But if this stinging doesn’t subside soon, you’ll find me with a tuning fork in one hand and a vaginal candle in the other.
Neil Humphries is an award-winning football writer and best-selling author who has covered the English Premier League since 2000 and written 26 books.
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