I have trouble staying still. My mind races, my thoughts get tangled and disjointed. My body is constantly on the move: fidgeting, kicking my feet, grinding my teeth.
Since being diagnosed with ADHD in my late 30s, I have dealt with the issue primarily by taking 36mg of methylphenidate per day and, after years of self-neglect, prioritizing my health, both mental and physical.
I know meditation would be a great calming agent for my busy brain, but despite trying time and time again, I just can’t get started on it.
Try Meditation
I first came across mindfulness on an NHS course 10 years ago when a GP referred me for eight sessions after I had gone to the clinic in tears, wanting something to help ease the anxiety, helplessness and overwhelm I felt after having my second baby.
Since then, I have tried breathing sessions, sound baths, nature meditation (forest bathing) and even sophrology via Morphe to help me fall asleep.
But I always hated every minute and gave up, which is no surprise considering I was restless for most sessions, moving around the whole time or asleep and waking up with drool stuffed on both sides of my mouth.
In search of silence
At the beginning of 2024, I was on a mission to achieve some sort of mental stillness, so during a vision board workshop I attended, I chose “stillness” as my goal for the year.
Despite taking medication, going to therapy, and maintaining a routine, my mind still felt like it was in a constant state of chaos at times. To make matters worse, the chaos could no longer be contained and began spilling out into my real world.
My house was becoming more and more messy, with things strewn everywhere. I was also feeling unwell. At times it felt like my skin was being pulled too tightly over my organs and I had to pull it away. I imagined the worst and my breathing became labored. Each time this happened I felt an intense tightness in my chest.
I managed to keep my cool until one night a few months ago, while driving through the countryside in pitch black, I had an anxiety attack at the wheel. I hate driving, and had done a lot of driving that day, but this reaction was new (and extreme) for me. I couldn’t stop shaking and crying.
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The more I thought about the benefits of incorporating meditation more into my daily life, the more scared I became. Researchers claim that meditation can help relieve physical symptoms like chronic pain, as well as symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression.
Meditate on your own terms
This time, I decided to try meditating on my own terms, no more studios, no more practitioners, no more audiences.
Immediately, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I realized that meditation doesn’t require any of the elements that are often associated with meditation: complete silence, a dark room, eyes closed, aromatherapy, or lying down.
Meditation is not a one-size-fits-all self-improvement tool. There are many different themes, styles, and methods that I didn’t know existed, and there are meditation methods that address issues beyond sleep, stress, and sadness.
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A body scan meditation allows you to focus on a specific body part, concentrating on any pain or sensations you are feeling, or you can use visualization to place your mind in the environment you want to be in.
Guided Mediation
I enjoy being talked to and guided during meditation. I always feel like I learn something new during these sessions. Sometimes a word or phrase from the meditation will stick with me for days, and I will return to the meditation to try and figure out how it relates to different aspects of my life.
Here’s an example: I was walking through my local park while listening to Chelsea Jackson-Roberts’ walking meditation on the Peloton app (my favorite meditation companion). As I neared the end of the practice, she asked me, “What does the destination look like for you? Is it to slow down? Is it to walk with more intention every time the soles of your feet touch the ground?”
Her words gave me pause. I thought they were beautiful, but more than that, I felt like she was speaking directly to me. Now, whenever I repeat her words in my head, I find peace.
Learning that I can quiet my mind without slowing my body down is a big reason why I’ve been enjoying my meditation practice so much over the past few months.
Walking Meditation
Walking and running meditation are on the rise (see Nike Run Club for the latter), and it’s easy to see why: When you meditate while moving, you don’t have to worry about “failing” as much as you used to. But the rules I previously had for meditating “well” were mostly mental. No one expects you to be restless or not get distracted every now and then.
Walking meditations tend to focus more on looking inward, rather than concentrating on trees or birdsong. I live in London and can’t just drop everything and find a quiet place to meditate on a whim, so learning to filter out distractions from my everyday environment feels like a life skill I’ve had to master for a long time.
read: I went for a walk every day and I wondered how it affected my stress levels.
One of the best things about meditation is that it doesn’t cost any money or require any equipment, but one item has significantly improved my meditation, helping me feel more connected and in the present moment: a pair of noise-canceling headphones that my husband recently gave me as an early birthday gift.
Now I completely subscribe to the theory that the more I meditate, the more I want to meditate. (Not in a competitive or “I’ll meditate for 10 days straight” kind of way, it just feels good.) It’s like another muscle that needs to be strengthened. With practice and repetition, it becomes easier to get into a centered, calm, grateful, embodied state of mind.
Stillness
Gradually, I began to feel mentally still even when I wasn’t trying to. It could be anywhere: looking at a work of art, cooking a meal for my children, wearing a dress from my late mother’s wardrobe. It’s a beautiful thing.
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Meditation impacts other aspects of my life. Meditation allows me to forgive myself for my mistakes and weaknesses. Meditation helps me change the words I use to talk to myself. Meditation inspires me to be kinder. On days when I feel blue, it inspires me to find moments of beauty, positivity, and success.
And indeed, meditation is great for enjoying moments of stillness, even while moving.
