In the midst of constant change, it’s easy to feel at the mercy of forces beyond your control. In Buddhist terms, these forces are often The Eight Worldly WindsJoy and pain, praise and blame, fame and worthlessness, success and failure.
According to meditation teachers Ethan NichternCombining these opposing forces can help you develop true self-confidence when you face life’s challenges. In his new book, Self-Confidence: Holding Your Seat in Life’s Eight Worldly WindsHe explores how to weather life’s ups and downs with faith and resilience.
in Recent Episodes Life is as it is, TricycleEditor-in-Chief James Shaheen and meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg spoke with Nichtern about how the mundane winds of pleasure and pain keep us grounded in our lived experience, how to tap into our own fulfillment, and what confidence looks like in life. Lack of a stable selfRead excerpts from the conversation about six of the eight worldly winds below, then listen to the full episode.
Sharon Salzberg (SS): You say that every human being has the self-confidence they need to face life. What does that mean, and what gets in our way?
Ethan Nichtern What I’ve always liked about the foundational principles of mindfulness is that we all have an innate ability to be in the present moment and deal with what happens. Many things get in the way. When we, as practitioners, are living in the world, life can get very intense and sometimes we might say we are blown by what are called the “eight worldly winds” – the desire for praise, the fear of criticism, the desire to succeed, the fear of failure, etc.
When we are in a position of hope and fear, we can get carried away by it, and I think what often gets in the way is not building confidence in our ability to handle whatever comes our way. Failure Things happen, success happens. I don’t think the problem is being defeated. I think the problem is being defeated and then being surprised to be defeated again. Don’t be surprised that you feel good when someone praises you, or feel bad when someone criticizes you, and then it happens again. Living in human form means hoping, hoping, and fearing. If you can work through that more, you’ll have more faith in the whole process.
James Shaheen (JS): Attaching self-confidence to the eight worldly winds, the first worldly wind is Joy and Painyou say, it can ground us in felt experience and connect us with all that comes before us. So how can we learn from our experiences of joy and pain?
Japanese: If you look at the Buddhist definition of a sentient being, it’s something that has the ability to feel. When we truly feel a sensory experience, we are in touch with what it means to be sentient. It’s not just, “How can I have less pain and more pleasure?” I think this is deeply woven into our cultural heritage. When we are able to tune into an experience without chasing it, it really connects us to our humanity and our senses.
Living in human form means hoping, expecting, and fearing, and the more we can work through that the more trust we have in the whole process.
We have a tendency to seek pleasure and run away from pain. [In working with the eight worldly winds,] We are trying to learn how to tolerate all of that experience, because we have to experience both, and the more we meditate, the more we experience all of that. I wouldn’t say that we feel joy necessarily, but when joy is present, we experience it more fully. pain Knowing existence allows us to experience it more fully. This connects us to the experience of all sentient beings with nervous systems. Recognizing that all sentient beings are experiencing this set of experiences creates a kind of universal compassion.
SS: In describing joy and suffering, he quotes an 8th century Buddhist teacher: Shantidevahe likens the mindless pursuit of pleasure to licking honey off a razor blade. Can you expand on that imagery a bit?
Japanese: I like this metaphor because it’s a bit like 8th century punk rock. The idea is that the razor blade is the truth of impermanence. Shantideva was talking about the impermanence of experience and the opportunity to realize that. Here’s the idea: Would I still be so attached to having the sweetness of the moment if I knew that the sweetness of the moment was actually conditioned by impermanence and ending?
Shantideva helps us realize that we should face the discomfort now. We should practice continuing to sit. [chasing pleasure] The problem will go away. There are lots of ways to postpone and try to solve the problem, but the image of licking honey off a razor blade is a very hardcore way of saying from Shantideva: “Don’t try to solve the problem of discomfort by chasing temporary pleasure. Let’s see how this actually works.”
JS: The other wind is success and failure. I know that I can get caught up in jealousy and comparison, comparing myself to others or to an ideal version of myself. How can I get rid of this urge to compare?
Japanese: I think mindfulness and psychology can be effective in dealing with a lot of emotions like anger and anxiety, but I don’t think we talk about it enough. Envy and JealousyThis is despite the fact that comparison and competition are, in some ways, the primary emotions that drive our economy and society.
When we crave success, it’s human to compare ourselves to the success of others. Sometimes that comparative thinking can be really helpful. But a lot of the time it boils down to “I’m not good enough.” It boils down to “What is something that other people are doing well that I want to practice or work on?”, but also “This person is better than me” or “This isn’t fair.”
Our comparative thinking can generate a lot of anxiety, so one classic way to deal with it is Muditaor compassionate joy. Whenever you compare yourself to others, you can say, “May they enjoy and benefit from their success.”
SS: You say so envy It shows us what we crave, and in getting in touch with that crave, we can also access our own fulfillment. Can you tell me more about this fulfillment?
Japanese: If you can let go of that sense of what other people have that you don’t, you can ask yourself, “What do I really want?” I’ll give you an example: I was jealous of someone I went to college with who is now a very successful writer. I just really admired this person’s work and what a writer can do when they put in the effort and hone their craft. The people I admired were writers of fiction and poetry. I love writing fiction and poetry, but I just don’t have the time to do it as much as I’d like. So, if I can understand the lesson, the mind I was comparing to was just telling me I wanted to write more poetry.
When we are able to listen to what we truly want, comparison falls away and a real sense of being in touch with ourselves emerges. I think that is the experience of enough. I don’t have to reach a certain place to feel okay. I actually feel like I am longingAnd it comes from a more authentic and calm place.
JS: You say that when we fail, it’s like our entire identity is at risk, but on the other hand, if we take the mindset that we don’t have a permanent identity, then temporary failure never means permanent defeat. So what does self-confidence look like in the absence of a stable self?
Japanese: This is a question I pose in the book: if there is no self, how can there be a self? ConfidenceThere is a functional self. There is a fluid self. There is a being with consciousness and mind and spirit and body that yearns for happiness and health. But that is not a permanent self. We are always left with a sense of, “I’m frozen in time. If I bring more failure into the system, it’s going to crush my sense of self,” rather than thinking, “Okay, now I’m in the flow. And maybe I can integrate this new experience into my being so that it doesn’t freeze.”
Seeing yourself as more temporary is actually the key to self-confidence. You have to get used to failure, integrate the experience, and know that it’s not a permanent failure. You can just try again. Start againAs Sharon likes to say.
If we view ourselves as more temporary, that is actually the key to self-confidence.
Is it a different self than the failed self? Yes, because it’s a future moment. But at the same time, it’s the same continuum of self, or the same continuum of non-self. So the irony is, I don’t think you can develop confidence unless you accept the truth that there is no solid self. To me, someone who practices confidence is someone who integrates their experience and doesn’t constantly defend themselves against small failures or criticisms. They can say, “This is a new moment. I can try again.”
This excerpt has been edited for length and clarity.
