I realized that I have problem, about a year ago, when I was sitting on my therapist’s couch, she asked me if I was thinking about harming myself. Since middle school, I’ve used charm, wit, and charisma to cover up my inner turmoil, so I didn’t hesitate to say, “Even if I want to hurt myself, I can’t do it at work.” So I couldn’t do that at 9 a.m. Monday.” I’ve been seeing her for the past 10 years, and she’s helped me overcome toxic environments — some of the environment I was born into, some of the environment I was born into, some of the There is also an environment created by
Thanks to therapy, I was able to graduate from college, become financially independent, and succeed in the professional world (all of these experiences required me to close myself off emotionally. I live in low battery mode (which seems to be what I’ve been doing for 10 years) and when it burns out, I charge it to about 10% and keep using it.
My therapist knows me well and knew that I needed her to laugh with me at this time because if I started crying I would probably choke. That Monday, she put me on leave from her job for 6 months due to depression, anxiety, and fatigue. She saved my life.
Around the same time, a friend introduced me to an energy healer. At this point, I thought, unless I did something terrible, I had nothing to lose. Additionally, the guy who was supposed to be in charge of my penis reservations/antidepressants ghosted me. (Yes, I know my priorities were messed up, but where do you think I can get this material?)
At least the healer will read the card and tell you whether he will return or not. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and didn’t have the energy to go looking for a penis.
Jiffy
I put down the deposit, called, and gave them my full name and date of birth. I heard cards being shuffled, and for 45 minutes she read dirty jokes to me, mentioning people, places, and things that only I knew.I was tremble, but it’s still comforting. During my first reading, I walked away with two important messages. It’s that her grandmother is angry because I am such a powerful woman and I am not yet good enough for her grandmother to reach me spiritually. oh.
My grandmother raised me with a high vibration and deep respect for the spiritual world, and nurtured my creativity and empathic abilities. She was basically Mary Poppins to my entire family. My life took a dramatic turn for the worse when she developed sickle cell anemia at age 60. Her home was a safe haven from the hostile and conflict-ridden environment I was born into, and a place where I could be my creative, quirky self. She missed my first kiss, her first abusive relationship, her first heartbreak, and even the horrific rape I endured.
I’ve been so cooped up inside myself that if you handed me your invisibility cloak, I’d kiss your feet like you just handed me ten million dollars. Dew. I hated myself and I hated life without her. period.
So I’m here with this energy healer and I’m so anxious to receive insights and messages from my grandmother and to see the universe working in my favor that my grandmother He says he’s angry.
Not shit.
Jiffy
By the time I hung up, my wig was at a 90-degree angle and I was overwhelmed by all the messages I had received. At that moment, I felt a sense of peace wash over me that years of alcohol prescriptions and injections had not brought me.
The healer reminded me that I had ancestors on the other side to guide me. They are not sitting in heaven drinking wine and watching me as if I were on a security camera. They really do their best to help me navigate and push me to be my best self, and they work hard behind the scenes to help me.
I spent a lot of time suffering, feeling like I would be alone and misunderstood for the rest of my life, only to find out that was not true at all. There is another side to it, and by hurting yourself, whether in this life or the next, you are robbing yourself of the opportunity to experience that magic.
I’d like to say that as soon as I hung up the phone, my credit score went up 50 points, my husband appeared out of nowhere, and I became a millionaire with abs. no. Working with this energy healer forced me to face my shadow head on. Consciously, I have reached a deeper level, but now I have to reflect my healing into my life, not just my surface level comfort zone.
I had to call myself out on my shallow self-care methods, my surface-level self-love, the shallow relationships I took part in, and the ways I drove myself into depression. I had to reevaluate my current position in life, have some very difficult conversations, and watch the tower fall. Without God, without my support system, without my energy healers, it would have seemed like my world would fall apart, but I know better.
My world is being renewed. Currently under construction.
Jiffy
The most important thing that seeking spiritual guidance from an energy healer helped me do was get back to myself and my life path.
I’m a high-achieving performer. This is both a gift and a curse. Because when people are used to your high performance, they often don’t care about your health. They wonder where the energy comes from, they just want to consume it and use it. If you don’t recognize your power, worth, and magic in this life, someone else will suck you all the way up and accuse you of liking it. That’s why self-care and self-love are so important. Meditation, prayer, nature walks, and dream journaling are all natural self-care practices for me. Because it’s done intentionally.
Find your own style! It’s often misunderstood because right now my place is a tsunami and I have to retreat, retreat and recharge, but when I come it’s not to play, it’s to flood. By seeking and investing in spiritual advice, I was able to live in a vibration of gratitude that is healing and restorative. The most beautiful souls are drawn to me because I walk under my own power even when I stumble. It is a gift from God and I am just a vessel.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices to enhance the stories we can add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay you’d like to share, we’d love to hear from you.Contact information submissions@xonecole.com.
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First publication date: January 8, 2020
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