A healthy sex life is a key part of any strong relationship or marriage.
But things don’t always go as they should or hoped, with one hypnotherapist telling LADbible that sexless relationships and marriages are the “number one” issue people come to see them for.
Kate Scherer is a pleasure coach and licensed hypnotherapist based in Las Vegas.
The American and OnlyFans model recently opened up about her career in an interview with LADbible, including revealing all about what goes on aboard an exciting cruise ship.
This involves leading “hypnotic sex sessions” on the water with up to 80 people at a time.
Now, Kate has shared her advice on how to tackle the issue of too little sex in at least one eye in a relationship, offering three key points to consider even if you think you’re happy in your relationship or marriage.
Kate Shelor is a hypnotherapist. (Instagram/@kateshelor)
What does “too little” mean?
“Sexless relationships and marriages are the biggest issue at the moment,” Kate told LADbible.
“First of all, if only one party is complaining, you can’t wave a magic wand, but I often try to talk about a few things. One of them is that it’s really important to understand how we define ‘hardly having sex.’
“Two people often have very different perspectives. One person might say, ‘Oh, we never have sex, we only do it once a week,’ and the other person might say, ‘We have sex all week, all the time,’ right?
“It’s common. Often couples don’t feel comfortable talking about sex.”
“People, even in romantic relationships, talk pretty privately about what they like, what they want, what they feel. So that’s the first hurdle: helping people communicate about sex in general.”
“Going to a therapist can be helpful, but I specifically recommend ‘going to a sex-positive therapist’. You’d be surprised how little training therapists have around sex and sexuality. It’s changing, but it’s by no means traditional.”
Introducing gender quotas could be self-defeating. (Getty Stock Images)
Opposing “consent” and taking sex off the table
“As with porn addiction, it’s crucial that couples understand how much sex they’re having. Attempts to work around this by making an ‘agreement’ of, say, having sex twice a week, often end up with resentment and failure.”
“The problem is rarely about the simple mechanics of having sex. It’s about deeper relational and personal issues.”
“The first thing I would say is give up sex. Try that for a month. It’s part of the communication process.”
“I’m going to focus on the female/male situation right now because that’s the most common, but it applies to people of any gender or identity.
“So women feel exhausted and overwhelmed with household chores. Maybe they feel the relationship is not romantic and they’re not in the mood for sex.”
“Men are like, ‘When I ask for sex, she only says yes one time out of 10. If I want more, I have to ask three times as much.’ This happens a lot, and the more men ask for sex, the more women reject them and don’t want sex.”
Kate is an expert in her field. (Instagram/@kateshelor)
“This cycle often continues until the man completely shuts down, feels rejected, doesn’t want to have sex with the woman and gives up.
“She feels used. All he wants is sex. There’s a big rift between us here.”
“So by helping people understand those dynamics, taking sex off the table allows people to build intimacy — touch, kissing, conversation, romance. Taking sex off the table for a period of time allows people to build a bridge to physical connection again.”
“We need to ask ourselves: What is the division of domestic labor in our homes? Are we looking out for each other as people? How do we feel about our own bodies?”
“Do you spend a lot of time alone? Do you need more help with your kids? These are all big sexual issues.”
Kate Shelor. (Instagram/@kateshelor)
A different approach to intimacy
“Most men experience desire naturally and don’t need any special preparation.
“Most women experience reactive desire, which is one of the main reasons why people are often out of step with each other sexually.
“Responsive desire is when you need some kind of stimulation, physical or mental, to feel like having sex. People are brought up to watch movies where, of course, everything is spontaneous and no one is telling us reality.
“They may feel like she’s never in the mood, but they don’t understand how a woman experiences desire in this way. Having knowledge here is a superpower.”
“It’s about shifting gears. Maybe you schedule sex. If you know the kids won’t be home for an hour, maybe you make the bed and give her time to take a bath. Knowing that you need to shift into an erotic mental state and a physically sexual state to get in the mood is a game changer for a lot of people.”
“Anything that helps you put on your erotic hat can be explored together to get you in the mood.”
Kate can be found on Instagram under the username @kateshelor and on TikTok under the username @kateshelor3.
Featured Image Credit: Instagram/@kateshelor / Getty Stock Images
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Sex Education, US News, Education, Originals
