The practice of doren, also known as “taking and sending,” reverses our normal logic of avoiding suffering and seeking pleasure. In the practice of tonglen, with each inhale we imagine accepting the pain of others, and with each exhale we imagine sending out something of benefit to them. In the process, we free ourselves from long-standing patterns of selfishness. We begin to feel love both for ourselves and for others. We begin to take care of ourselves and others.
Tonglen awakens our compassion and gives us a much larger perspective on reality. It gives us the infinite expanse of Shunyata (emptiness). Through practice, we begin to connect with the open dimensions of our being.
Tonglen can be performed on people who are sick, dying, deceased, or in any kind of pain. It can be done as a formal meditation practice or on the fly at any time. If we see someone suffering on a walk, we can breathe in their pain and send them comfort.
Breathe in for all of us, breathe out for all of us. Something that looks like poison is used as medicine.
Usually when we see someone suffering, we look away. Their pain causes our fear and anger. It causes our resistance and confusion. So we can also do tonglen for all those who, like us, want to be compassionate but are afraid, who want to be brave but are timid. Rather than blaming ourselves, we can use our personal impasses as a springboard to understand what people around the world are up against. Breathe in for all of us, breathe out for all of us. Something that looks like poison is used as medicine. We can use our own suffering as a path to compassion for all beings.
Four stages of Tongren meditation
When performing Tonglen as a formal meditation practice, there are four stages:
1. Flash your bodhichitta
Allow your mind to rest for a second or two in an open or quiet state. This stage is traditionally called the flashing of absolute bodhichitta, the awakening of the heart and mind, or the opening of the door to fundamental breadth and clarity.
2. Start visualizing
Manipulate textures. Inhale sensations of heat, darkness, and heaviness (feelings of claustrophobia) and exhale sensations of coolness, brightness, and light (feelings of freshness). Inhale completely and draw negative energy through every pore of your body. When you exhale, you fully radiate positive energy through every pore of your body. Repeat this until your visualization is in sync with your inhale and exhale.
3. Focus on your personal situation
Focus on a situation that is real and painful to you. Traditionally, start by performing a tonglen for someone you care about and want to help. But if you get stuck, you can do this exercise for the pain you yourself are feeling, and at the same time for everyone who is feeling the same kind of suffering. For example, if you’re feeling inadequate, breathe it in for yourself and everyone else in the same boat and pump out the confidence, adequacy, and relief you desire.
4. Spread compassion
Finally, increase the intake and output. If you are doing tonglen for a loved one, please extend it to everyone in the same situation. If you’re doing tonglen for someone you see on TV or on the street, do the same for everyone else in the same boat. Make yourself bigger than that one person. You can do tonglen against someone you consider to be your enemy, someone who hurts you or hurts others. Do a tonglen for them, thinking that they are going through the same confusion and impasse as your friend and you. Breathe in their pain and give them peace.
Tonglen can be expanded infinitely. As you practice, your compassion will naturally expand over time, and you will also become more aware that things are not as solid as you think, and that there are glimpses of emptiness. As you gradually work through this practice at your own pace, you may be surprised at how much you are able to be there for others in situations that previously seemed impossible.
