DENVER (KDVR) — First responders are among the top three occupations at high risk for depression and mental health issues, according to the National Institutes of Health.
Former Colorado State Trooper Jeff Marr knows firsthand what this is like, as he was hospitalized in November 2023 after battling mental health issues.
Marr started his career at the age of 21 and years later found alcohol as a way to cope with what he saw on a regular basis. He said one phone call in particular sticks out in his mind.
“I had an 18-month-old baby and I got a call saying they had to do mouth-to-mouth CPR because the mask didn’t close properly,” Ma said. “He was complaining of a heartbeat when he went to the hospital, but he never made it to the hospital. And there were a lot of confusing situations on that call that really messed with his head. Ta.”
He said that as a first responder, it’s not about whether something happens, but when something happens, it affects you in an indescribable way, but it stays with you. .
“After seven years as a police officer, everything went into a downward spiral for me from there. My personal life, work life, drinking was really bad. My depression got really bad. I was suicidal. I was planning to commit suicide while I was at work,” Ma said.
When he lost his career, he said, it was in some ways a mixed blessing.
“If I hadn’t done that, I don’t think I would still be alive,” he said.
From then on, his drinking became uncontrollable.
“Last November, I went on a 14-day binge drinking spree. [It] It wasn’t good,” he said. “I was alone in the hotel, woke up, drank, and went home drunk,” Ma said.
Afterwards, a friend picked me up and we went to the hospital to detox. He had done the same thing many times before, but this time it was different.
“I couldn’t stop shaking,” Ma recalled. “So I went back to the hospital and was admitted. And then the second night I was there, my heart stopped beating.”
He recalled waking up and seeing a room with a crash cart and doctors and nurses surrounding him. At that moment, something clicked.
“I was just looking at my feet and for some reason something just hit me and I thought, ‘I was made for more than this,'” Marr said. “I’d rather go out in a blaze of glory than tremble alone in a hospital bed due to poison.”
He stopped drinking and began documenting his journey on social media. He had completed his qualification as a mental health coach four years earlier and was now ready to put it to use. Marr is willing to help anyone, but he said he’s focused on first responders who don’t always reach out to him.
“There may be a call that could have serious consequences for one officer, but they don’t want to tell other officers because they’re embarrassed or don’t want to seem weak. .”
Marr said it’s best to take the first step.
“I think that’s one of the most important things you can do, and probably one of the bravest things,” he said.
Through social media and his website, he has already contacted many people and hopes that number will grow as more people continue to seek the help they need.
“I just get random messages from random people saying, ‘You have no idea how much I needed that.’ Again, this is a reminder to people that they’re not alone. It’s just one way to let people know.”
Today, Ma has been sober for 163 days. He said he still struggles with his mental health some days, but he has learned how to cope and he hopes others can do the same.
“The only thing that matters is that you value yourself enough and really understand that your life is worth it,” he said.
Marr said he encourages anyone struggling with their mental health to seek help, whether it’s through them or through another avenue. Anyone wishing to contact Mr. Ma can send a message through his social media pages or website.
“The most important message I want to get across to people is that if you think you have a problem, you have a problem. Your body knows. It’s telling you something. So, understand it. let’s.”
