Earlier this year, I wrote about entering the second half of your life, or “second curve,” by the time you turn 50. At this stage in my life, I am faced with the challenges of raising teenage children, helping elderly parents, and running a small business. It takes on a life of its own. The most predictable thing in my life these days is the level of fatigue I feel by the end of each day. When I go to bed at night, I can only read a few sentences before falling asleep.
I’ve spent my life as a physician and the past decade and a half as a mother of four, but last summer I wondered what it would be like to spend a few days away from it all. While searching the internet, I came across the “Find Your Inner Cowgirl” retreat being held over Mother’s Day weekend at her C Lazy U Ranch in Granby, Colorado, just off the Continental Divide. . I registered immediately.
I arrived at the ranch looking for more balance in my life, not just my mind, but my yoga mat and my horse’s back. I spent four glorious days meditating, practicing yoga, and riding horses with 14 other girls who were also searching for their inner cowgirl. I did. Most of the time, their aspirations mirrored mine. It was about wanting to get away from the hustle and bustle of the go-go-go-go life and seek a grand adventure.
The first night was a combination of yoga, stretching, and meditation in a small room in the ranch’s main lodge. Our instructor told us to forget our worries and focus on staying in the present moment. At first, this was quite a challenge for me. My bad habit is to think about the next thing before I finish the current thing. Creating a “to do” list in my head has almost become second nature. Creating silence in my mind and stillness in my body was much more difficult than I expected. I spent all my energy focusing on the crackling fire in the room to stay conscious of the here and now.
The next morning, it didn’t take much time or effort to quiet my mind while I took a yoga and meditation class. It still took some effort to focus on the crackling fire, but blending deep breathing with light stretching and meditation felt more natural than the night before. By the end of the second session, I had more energy than usual.
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After meditation we met the horses. I was paired with Oliver, a small gray and white horse. Its attention span was on par with my teens. We led the horses into a covered arena and our instructor, Kathy, led us through a series of basic training exercises. After setting the goal of working with our equine partners, we began to take deep breaths, first alone and then in collaboration with our horses. After all, if your horse doesn’t trust you on the ground, he won’t trust you in the saddle. Oliver and I stood side by side in peaceful silence for nearly an hour. In fact, Oliver was so comfortable and relaxed that he almost fell asleep. I have never experienced such an intimate relationship with a horse, or any other animal, in my life.
Over the next two days, I spent mornings stretching on my yoga mat, then training to improve my equestrian skills in the arena, and then spent a sunny afternoon riding Oliver through the muddy trails of the snow-capped Rocky Mountains. I ran. After my third trail ride, I felt more in sync with my horse and myself than ever before. I can now stay grounded on my yoga mat and saddle with almost no effort.
However, there was still another lesson to be learned from the ranch retreat. The first night the Northern Lights graced the sky, fatigue hit me. I slept through this once-in-a-lifetime heavenly event. Not wanting to miss a second chance to witness the magic of the Northern Lights, our small group agreed to meet in a dark field in the center of the ranch around midnight. Initially, visibility was obscured by thick cloud cover, so we agreed to regroup after 30 minutes before heading into the night.
Feeling cold, we headed to the fireplace outside the main lodge to warm up. Strangely enough, even though it was midnight, I didn’t feel tired at all. I sat in front of the fire and took several deep breaths of the cool night air. I was alone and in silence. I didn’t feel the need to do anything at that time. There was no “to do” list swirling around in my head. Then silence continued for about 30 minutes. real silence. A quiet landscape. A quiet body. And most importantly, a quiet mind. The voice in my head was full of doubt, judgment, fear, and a never-ending list, but said absolutely nothing. in 30 minutes. Like it was the easiest thing in the world. As if I had done it hundreds of times before. “Finding My Inner Cowgirl” reveals the path to inner solitude, a place to find it whenever you need it.
I can’t think of a better gift for Mother’s Day.
Dr. Nilan Al Agba is a pediatrician in Silverdale and writes a regular opinion column for the Kitsap Sun. Please contact us at niranalagba@gmail.com.
