If a friend comes to you while going through a bad breakup or mourning a beloved pet, you might respond by helping them process the situation and offering advice. not. Or you may be someone in their life who is ready to take matters into their own hands at a moment’s notice. Or maybe you’re known as someone who leans on someone’s shoulder and listens.
Your go-to response is determined by the emotional propensity of the following two power players: sympathy and empathy.
Did you think they were the same? You are not alone (empathic response). I’m sorry if this was uncomfortable information for you (empathetic response). But the two emotions are “quite different,” says psychotherapist, author, and researcher Dr. Erin Leonard.
“They feel different,” Leonard added. “When a person feels empathy, he empathizes with how the other person feels as a fellow human being and an equal human being. Sympathy is pity. When someone feels sorry for someone, they are looking down on that person. ”
Meet the Expert: Dr. Erin Leonard has been working as a psychotherapist in the Michiana area for over 20 years.She is also the author of How to raise a secure child – Parenting with empathy.
That being said, empathy and empathy each have their own set of circumstances where one may be the best emotional response over the other. In some cases, you may want to engage with someone on the same level. And if you’ve ever been in that person’s shoes, it’s even natural. You may also not be able to empathize with what they are going through, especially in situations where it may not be appropriate or possible, such as when they have lost a parent.
Read everything you need to know about the difference between empathy and sympathy.
Empathy and sympathy explained
The biggest difference between empathy and compassion is how much you’re trying to connect with someone on a personal level during the interaction. As Leonard explains, “Empathy is when you really listen to an emotion, try to empathize with that emotion for a moment, and communicate that you understand what that person is feeling.” Compassion, on the other hand, is when someone The focus is on feeling sorry for, and in some cases, sympathizing with. . “Rather than trying to understand their feelings, you’re distancing yourself from them,” she says.
She gives an example to illustrate this difference. When a sympathetic person sees a homeless person, he may give that person some change and go about his day. But an empathetic person would try to connect with them on a human level by spending time with the homeless person, perhaps taking them out for a meal.
The concepts of empathy and compassion can be broken down further into the following:
When expressing empathy…
- You try to connect with that person.
- You provide a validating statement that lets the person know that it’s okay to feel these feelings.
- You might respond with a phrase like, “I understand. You have every right to think that.”
When expressing sympathy…
- It’s not always possible to empathize with someone’s situation.
- What you say puts some distance between you and that person.
- You might respond with words like “I feel sorry for you” or “I feel sorry for you.”
When can you say you empathize with someone?
Put simply? Almost always. Trying to communicate how your friend feels doesn’t just validate them and their reactions. It also lets them know that their emotional reactions are okay and that they’re human, Leonard explains. The key here is that the other person needs to act on their feelings in an emotionally intelligent or constructive way. Empathy doesn’t give them a free pass to react how they want.
But that validation can be very empowering. Leonard said empathy helps people “feel less alone in their predicament and feel more connected and close to others.” This allows them to feel that they are more capable or capable of solving problems on their own.
Although you may not have experienced this person’s exact situation, can Leonard suggests thinking back to other moments in your life when you experienced that emotion. Rather than trying to understand the situation itself, think about the feelings involved. “Emotions are universal,” she says. “…I know what it feels like to feel left out. I know what it feels like to feel excluded. And that’s what you have to do: try to understand that feeling.”
When can you say you feel sorry for someone?
Showing empathy can have a powerful effect, but that doesn’t mean it’s not important. I never have correct reaction. If you’re in a long-distance relationship, or if you see a stranger going through something, the reaction you have is likely to be sympathetic. For example, if a natural disaster occurs, you may feel sympathy and decide to donate to an emergency fund or donate blood, but (unless you have been through a similar experience) you may feel sympathy and decide to donate blood. I can’t imagine connecting with someone on an empathic level. myself).
“There’s nothing wrong with showing sympathy, but sometimes it’s not enough in a close relationship,” Leonard says. She says that relying on sympathy rather than empathy for family members and close friends can make them feel more alone because you’re not engaging with them as equals, and can actually make them feel more alone in their relationships depending on how they see you. “They may be creating distance between themselves and others.” People who are less fortunate or less fortunate. ”
When you think you might be leaning towards sympathy or pity for a loved one, remember to relate to them through the emotions they’re expressing. When was the last time you felt that way? What do you wish someone had said to you at the time? This can help you respond with empathy in the right situations.
See how Oprah shares her thoughts on compassion and empathy.
How does compassion factor into all of this?
Compassion is the basis of both empathy and compassion. Leonard likes to think of compassion as “trying to understand and feel what the other person is feeling.” In other words, compassion is a useful tool in both empathic and empathic responses. Sometimes, tapping into your caring side can bridge the gap between you and others. And whenever you’re trying your best to understand others, you’re doing the right thing, Leonard says.
