In South Asian communities, conversations about mental health have long been stigmatized and often shut down by some version of “what will people say?” This is a sentiment echoed by many immigrant parents, uncles and aunts who feel there is something shameful about acknowledging the struggle.
Sahaj Kohli, an Indian-American therapist and author best known for his popular Instagram page Brown Girl Therapy, has made it his life’s work to challenge that notion. She launched the account in 2019 as a way to expand the conversation about mental health in the diaspora. And this week, she published her first book, “But What Will People Say?,” which aims to once again speak directly to her immigrant family.
“When I was struggling with my mental health and living at home in my 20s, my parents actually said, ‘What will the world say about this?’ They didn’t mean to hurt, but , I was genuinely concerned about how my own struggles would reflect on them as a parent,” Kohli told NBC News. “We care so much about what other people think and say about us that we begin to develop performative behaviors and identities.”
After changing her career path and becoming a therapist, Kohli started Brown Girl Therapy. It was a difficult time for her own mental health, she said, and none of the books she read or the resources she consulted addressed what she was experiencing at home. Ta.
“There wasn’t a lot of input about having immigrant parents who might have different expectations than what you wanted,” she says. “For many of us who grew up in immigrant families, the path is already paved for us.”
The page has amassed more than 230,000 followers, and Kohli continues to use it to share uplifting advice for women of color about mental health, family, and dating. There is. She answers niche questions like “What to do if your girlfriend’s parents are emotionally blackmailing you” and talks about straddling collectivistic Asian culture and individualistic Western culture .
“In some cultures, we are encouraged to care for others, sometimes at the expense of ourselves,” she says. “And in other cultures, we are encouraged to take care of ourselves at the expense of others.”
She delves deeper into this topic in her book, which combines personal stories, self-help, and advice. She particularly hopes the book will reach South Asian immigrant parents, many of whom she said repress their own trauma and ignore their mental health challenges. .
“I think the older you get, the less you want to do this job,” she says. “They usually just say, ‘I was fine,’ or ‘It’s too late,’ or ‘What’s the point?’
But through Brown Girl Therapy, Kohli says she has met older South Asian immigrants who have taken steps to confront their problems and the prejudices of those around them. And she thinks, “But what will people say?” The conversation will spread to more kitchen tables.
“I don’t think it’s too late for immigrant parents,” she says. “Sometimes what’s worth is really hard. And sometimes we need to challenge the narratives we’ve held so closely for so long.”
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