stage 1
a warm fire in your heart
Metta can be compared to a warm, glowing fire that burns within the heart. You cannot start with something difficult and expect to light a fire of compassion. Just as you can’t expect to light a campfire by striking a match under a thick log. Therefore, do not begin Metta meditation by trying to spread Metta to yourself or your enemies. Instead, start by spreading loving-kindness, or what I like to call kindness, to things that tend to ignite. Kindness allows you to accept other beings, not just yourself, for who they are and you.
In metta meditation, you focus on the feeling of loving kindness and develop that pleasurable feeling until it fills your whole heart. The way you accomplish this can be compared to how you light a campfire. Begin your kindness with paper or something easy to light. Then add kindling, small twigs, or pieces of wood. Once the kindling is lit, add thicker pieces of wood, and after a while thicker logs are added. Once the fire is roaring and very hot, it will ignite quickly even if you place it on top of wet, sweaty logs.
Let’s start with things that are easy to love.
I prepare for metta meditation by imagining a little kitten. I like cats, especially kittens. So, like gas to a flame, my imaginary kitten becomes affectionate. Just thinking about my little kitten makes my heart light up.
I keep imagining my imaginary friend, abandoned, hungry, and very scared. In its short life, it has known nothing but rejection, violence, and loneliness. I imagine bones protruding from its emaciated body, fur smeared with grime and blood, and its body frozen in fear. I believe that if I don’t take care of this vulnerable little being, no one will care for her and she will die such a horrible, lonely and frightening death. I fully feel the kitten’s pain in all its forms, and my heart opens and releases a flood of compassion. I’ll take care of that little kitten. I will protect and feed them.
No matter where you go or what you do, my heart will always welcome you. I will always give you infinite mercy.
I imagine myself looking deep into those anxious eyes and trying to melt them away with the metta flowing from my eyes. I reach out slowly, reassuringly, never losing eye contact. I gently pick up the kitten and hold it against her chest. The warmth of your body will take away the kitten’s coldness, your soft embrace will take away the kitten’s fear, and you will feel the kitten’s trust grow. I talk to the kitten on my chest.
Little being, you will never feel alone again. Never be afraid. I will always take care of you, your protector and friend. I love you, kitten. No matter where you go or what you do, my heart will always welcome you. I will always give you infinite mercy.
As you do this, you will feel your kitten warm up, relax, and eventually purr.
This is just an overview of how I begin meditating on metta. Usually it takes longer. I use my imagination and my inner language to paint a picture in my head and create a scenario for the first flame of metta to occur.
At the end of the brain teaser, keeping your eyes closed, focus your attention around your heart and feel the first warm glow of tenderness.
Find your own kindling
My kitten is like the paper you use to start a campfire. They may not like kittens, so choose something else, like a puppy or a baby. Whatever you choose as your first object of metta, make sure it is imaginary rather than real. In your mind, you can turn a kitten, puppy, or baby into anything you want. Using imaginary creatures rather than real-world creatures allows you to generate meta more freely.
Once you have chosen your first object, use your imagination to create a story around it that evokes love. With practice, this innovative method can be one of the most effective and fun ways to practice kindness.
kindness block
A few years ago, a female student complained to me that this method was not working for her. She considered small animals, especially naughty kittens, to be small pests, and she also didn’t like babies who cried and soiled her diapers. She had severe symptoms of what I now call “tenderness block.”
She went on to say that she grows potted flowers in her Sydney apartment. So I suggested that she choose one of her own plants as the first subject for metta. She imagined a very delicate and tender sapling. It was so fragile that it needed her care, love, and protection to survive. She channeled all her maternal instincts into that vulnerable little potted plant of hers, nurturing and feeding her friend until the buds burst, and returning the favor with beautiful, fragrant flowers. She really embraced that method. That was the first time metta meditation had any effect on her. When this happened during the retreat, she said it was the only session where she didn’t wait for me to ring the bell.
stage 2
loved ones near you
Once the first flame of Metta has been established in this way, let go of your imaginary creature and replace it with a real human being, be it your partner, a well-loved relationship, or your bestie, emotionally. Place someone very close. friend. He must be easy to generate and maintain affection. If you compare it to a campfire, it would be a thin piece of wood called a kindling. Once again, use your inner language to draw a picture of their surroundings in your mind. They need your friendship and love too. They are also emotionally vulnerable and more exposed to life’s disappointments and setbacks. Use your inner comment and say:
Dear friend, I wish you all the best. May your body be free from pain and your heart filled. I love you unconditionally. I will always be there for you. You will always have a place in my heart. I really care about you.
Of course, you can also use similar words of your own design. Use any phrase that evokes the warm glow of Metta in your heart. Stay with this person. Imagine they are right in front of you until the metta becomes bright and constant around you. Next, focus your attention for a moment on your body near your heart and feel the physical sensations associated with metta. You’ll find it fun.
stages 3 and 4
close acquaintances and group
Let go of the image of that person and replace it with the image of another close acquaintance, using the same inner language to create a sense of metta around that person. “May you live happily ever after…” Imagine them in front of your eyes until Metta glows. They are bright and always around them.
Then replace the entire group of people, probably everyone living in your home. In the same way, they cultivate a radiance of metta compassion around them. “I hope you are healthy and happy…” In the campfire analogy, you are now wearing a log.
golden radiance
Think if you can imagine metta as a golden glow emanating from a beautiful white lotus flower in the center of your heart. May the radiance of your loving kindness spread in all directions, accepting more and more living beings, becoming infinite and filling everything you can imagine. “May all living things be happy and peaceful, whether near or far, large or small…”
Envelop the entire universe with the warmth of the golden light of kindness. Please stay there for a while.
If you compare it to a campfire, the fire is roaring and very hot and can burn wet, sticky logs. Let’s think about the enemy. Think of someone who hurt you terribly. You will be surprised to find that your Metta is now strong enough to forgive them. You can now share with them the healing golden glow of loving kindness. I sincerely hope that you will be freed from the pain of your past and find joy in your future. May the beauty of this tenderness of unconditional love reach you too and bring you happiness and contentment. ” When the fire of Metta burns strong, nothing can withstand it. Next, the last “wet and salty stick” must be thrown into the metta fire. Most meditators find that the person who is most difficult to love is themselves.
from kindness, written by Aayan Brahm. Adapted with permission from Wisdom Publications.
