If you’ve been reading this column for a while, you know that this week is the week we share jokes and rants that may have little to do with food.
Since I don’t have time to laugh, I can’t remember any funny stories, so these are gathered from various sources (with some personal edits as well).
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Sandwiches go into the bar. The bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.” (Reader’s Digest)
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A man from the city buys land and moves to the countryside. He went into a local feed store and told the store owner that he was going to start a chicken farm.
“I want to buy 100 chicks,” he says.
“There are a lot of chicks,” the owner says.
“It’s about business,” replied the city man.
A week later he returned to the feed store. He told the owner, “I need 100 more chicks.”
“Hey, you’re really serious about raising chickens!” says the owner.
“Yes,” replied the new farmer. “We just need to iron out some issues.”
“Is there a problem?” the shopkeeper asks.
“Yes,” the man answered. “I think I planted the last batch a little too close together. (Michelle Miller, Farm Babe, AgDaily)
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What did the shark say when it ate the clownfish?
“This tastes kind of interesting.” (Reader’s Digest)
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A woman walks into a bar with a computer and asks the bartender, “Can I have your Wi-Fi password?”
The bartender replied, “Please buy me a drink first.”
“Okay,” the woman says. “I’ll have a coke.”
He brought her a drink and said, “It’ll be $3.”
She paid him and said, “So, what’s your Wi-Fi password?”
He replies, “First I need to buy you a drink. All lowercase letters, no spaces.” (Reddit)
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A 95-year-old rancher shared words of wisdom with his grandson from his favorite rocking chair on his front porch. After hearing his grandfather give trusted advice on how to manage the land and cattle for future generations, the young man said:
“But Grandpa, you haven’t told me the most important thing yet. How have you been able to live such a long, healthy, and productive life?”
The old man stopped and took his grandson’s hand. Then he said, “Gunpowder!” Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your breakfast every morning! ”
The young man was shocked. “But Grandpa, is it really going to work?”
“Everyone who has run this ranch for three generations has lived into their 90s eating gunpowder for breakfast!” said the old man.
A few months later, the old man died. He left behind a beautiful ranch, 10 children, 25 grandchildren, 60 great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be. (University of Florida Extension Service)
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Itachi walks into the bar. The bartender says: What can I do? “
“Pon,” Itachi says. (BartendersBusiness.com)
Barbara Quinn-Intermill is a registered dietitian and certified diabetes educator at Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula. She is the author of Quinn-Essential Nutrition (Westbow Press, 2015).Please send an email to her [email protected].
