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“You don’t have bulimia, do you?” my colleague asked when I told her I was trying hypnotherapy to treat my bulimia.
“Well, yes,” I replied, “Once I start eating it’s hard to stop and I think about food all the time!”
“Yeah, but I think so too,” she said.
In fact, most of my friends, especially my female friends, will admit that they think about food all the time, but does that mean it’s normal or healthy?
I’m neither obese nor extremely thin, so most people wouldn’t assume I have a problem with food.
I don’t want to be one of those people who just eats to survive and sees food as fuel, but for years I’ve wished that the thought of the food I eat wouldn’t consume me.
My weight is constantly fluctuating and I probably change three clothing sizes in the course of a year, and that’s because I can’t have a stable relationship with food.
You start saying “yes” to the chocolates handed out at the office, then you go into a downward spiral, your weight keeps increasing, until you hit a breaking point, and you set your sights on losing weight again, but it’s not easy.
Such ups and downs in our relationship with food are not uncommon and there are various ways to deal with it, one of which is hypnotherapy, and I was keen to give it a try.
Many people claim that hypnotherapy has helped them repair their broken relationship with food and heal their eating disorders, but I was skeptical.
I went to see Bonita Rayner-Jones of Harley Street Hypnotherapy Associates, whose website says: “Binge Eating Disorder Hypnotherapy works to increase self-esteem and eliminate trigger moments so you don’t binge eat when you find yourself in situations where you may have binge eaten in the past.”
“We also work with the ‘unconscious’ mind to remove the positive association with overeating; breaking this connection will help you feel in control and move forward with your life.”
It all sounded great, but I had no idea what it all meant.
I arrived at a large building housing various medical services, and after spending a few minutes in the all-female, one-man waiting room, I headed to Rayner Jones’ office.
I sat in an armchair opposite Rainer Jones, with her singsong voice and long blonde hair, but somehow she was not what I expected.
My hypnotherapy sessions last about an hour and a half. The first hour is just me talking about myself. It feels quite self-indulgent, but fun.
Rayner-Jones tells me the key is to achieve “psychological well-being” – a state of mind that is clear, free of addictive habits, and in a good mental state. For some people, this requires multiple sessions, while for others one is enough.
Dr Rayner-Jones says that 80% of patients coming into her clinic with bulimia specifically are women, which is no surprise.
We talk about why I want to stop binge eating. She makes me think, asks difficult questions, gets me talking. There are times when there are silences that I’m uncomfortable with, and I fill the silence.
Rayner-Jones says that while she’s no “positivity guru”, people tend to leave feeling more positive. “That should motivate you to do that,” she says.
“When you have your feet on the ground and your mind is less self-centered, your mind is clearer and you feel more free in what you’re capable of. That’s confidence.”
“When you become more at peace with yourself, you become more aware of what you really want to eat. Having a quiet and clear mind is the original origin of hypnosis. It is from there that one finds meaning in life.”
And when your mind is clear, you’re more likely to be guided towards your goals, she explains.
I’ve noticed I don’t have much mental clarity, my mind is cluttered and busy and I feel like it’s constantly spinning at a million miles per hour – is this affecting my eating habits?
Rayner-Jones taught us that we need to think of eating like going to the toilet: we only go when we feel the need to, but sometimes the urge comes and it’s not actually convenient, so we don’t act.
And apparently that’s how we should eat too. But the problem for me, and for many people, is that eating, unlike going to the toilet, is a lot of fun.
I talk about my upbringing, my relationship with my mother (a staple), and how my thoughts about my body have changed throughout my life.
I told Rayner-Jones that I generally consider myself a very happy person and that I hoped he wouldn’t think that I was eating to cheer myself up.
She seems to be saying that this constant happiness isn’t reality, and that we should allow ourselves to feel moody, sad, or angry. “Don’t worry about having to be positive all the time. Life isn’t always positive. It’s reality that matters,” she says.
When I explain that I feel bad when I try on clothes in stores because I don’t like the way they look, Rainer-Jones says that this is my own reality.
“You can only live within the feelings that come to your mind, so don’t be afraid of any experience,” she says. “Don’t be afraid to look at the scale and see the number.
“Being more realistic can really help you. It’s okay to see things as they are, not through rose-colored glasses. Healthy people function when they’re not afraid of any experience.”
She explains that you need to change your relationship with your thoughts: if you’re having negative thoughts, you need to stop worrying about them.
“If you think being slim is a good thing, you’ll be happy being slim. If you think being a medium weight is a good thing, you’ll be happy being a medium weight. The same goes for being overweight.”
“It’s subjective. It’s not reality. It’s just a body type that has more fat than others. People of medium weight generally have fewer health problems. The rest is nonsense we’ve made up from our culture and upbringing.”
I agree with this, perhaps more than anything Rayner Jones has ever said.
“It’s about being happy with looking like yourself. At some point dissatisfaction sets in and it becomes a permanent condition.”
It’s cruel, but probably true.
And now we move onto the hypnosis portion of my session.
Rayner-Jones gave me a footrest and a blanket to put on my lap, I put on my headphones and closed my eyes.
A soothing music soundtrack plays, evoking the feeling of being in a spa and a sci-fi movie, plus Raynor Jones speaks to me.
She said some people go into a deep trance and some into a lighter one, but to be honest I don’t think I went into a trance, I just felt weird and conscious the whole time.
I was relaxed, definitely, and a little wobbly, but I was constantly aware of the sounds of traffic outside, of where I was sitting, of whether I should stay still or move a little, etc. I wanted to open my eyes, but I couldn’t.
The hypnosis began with Rayner-Jones asking me to make every part of my body feel heavy and relaxed, working from top to bottom, then I was asked to imagine I was somewhere relaxed, floating, and then I was placed in a situation where I found a stone with the word “confidence” inscribed on it.
Rayner-Jones then went on to say that he soon found himself not wanting to overeat because it was too much effort to do so.
However, my mind was wandering and I was thinking about what I wanted to have for lunch afterwards.
I’m not sure if it was obvious that I hadn’t fully relaxed into a trance state, but Rayner-Jones gave me a recording of the hypnosis and instructed me to listen to it every day for a week.
For the rest of that day and for the next few days, I did I tried to make better food choices, but I quickly fell back into my old habits.
This may be partly because I didn’t have the time to actually listen to the recordings every day for a week, and partly because it was hard to relax at home – at one point my roommate started building shelves in the room next to mine, which didn’t help me get into a hypnotic state at all.
Unfortunately, my eating habits haven’t changed much as a result of hypnotherapy, but I do know that my mindset improved temporarily after the session.
For someone like me who is stuck in their own head, I think it would take quite a lot of hypnotherapy to actually effect change, but if someone is really open to the possibility, it could work.
Until then, please don’t give me any biscuits. (But please, give them to me.)
