Do you want to know one of the things that disappoints me most in this world?
If I went to any church service in America and asked people to raise their hand if they had been hurt by the church (especially by church leaders), nearly every person would raise their hand.
Now, this is not to say that friction and conflict within the church is a sign that the church is not fully fulfilling its mission. Jesus teaches how to resolve conflict within the church community. Certainly, He wouldn’t do it unless we needed it.
No church is perfect, I know that. In fact, I love this quote from Nadia Bolz-Weber, founding pastor of The House For All Sinners and Saints in Denver, Colorado. She tells people who want to join her church, “We’re going to let you down.”
In my opinion, that phrase should be on the sign of every church in America.
But the flip side is the reality that the church is made up of imperfect people who sometimes miss the mark. Jesus also said:
“But Jesus [the 12 disciples] Together they said, “You know that the rulers of this world reign over their people, and that those in authority exercise authority over those below them. But it will not be so among you. But whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be superior among you must be the slave of all” (Matthew 20:25-27).
We can openly acknowledge the fact that the church is not perfect, but when we use that as an excuse to refuse to follow Jesus in the areas where He wants to change us (or our community of believers), that is what a prominent theological expert calls a “bad idea.”
Jesus doesn’t say of church leaders, “It ought to be different,” he says, “It will be different.” This is non-negotiable.
If we as the church are not committed to being transformed into the image of Christ, who will listen to us when we speak about the amazing power of the Holy Spirit in our lives and in our church gatherings?
We can’t get obsessed with finding the perfect church, but what are healthy church habits?
Healthy churches have open and honest conversations.
If you bring your concerns to church leadership and are turned down or given a prepared statement or excuses as to why you cannot provide the information, you should ask why.
In some cases, there may be legitimate restrictions or concerns about the privacy of others, and church leaders should be held accountable for their actions. Those who have been given power by the church should be willing to explain to the church community why that power is being used in the way it is.
I have a friend who was deciding which church to attend when she moved to a new area. My wife and I had just started attending a church, so we invited her to come along. She had a conference call with the senior pastor and asked him questions about the church’s vision and mission, but he refused to answer.
We did not stay in the church long, but that was largely due to moral failings that occurred among the leadership staff. Secrecy is not a habit that church leaders should overly indulge in, and avoiding transparency can be a major warning sign of deeper-rooted problems.
A healthy church is quick to admit mistakes.
in Next-generation leaders, Andy Stanley says that people forgive leaders when they make mistakes, but they never forgive leaders who fail to communicate. I think leaders who refuse to admit mistakes find themselves in the difficult position of always having to spin what happened as a positive.
Sometimes we just blow it off.
Admitting your mistakes gives you authenticity and humility, instead of putting lipstick on a pig and telling everyone you’re a princess. A big buzz word in the church today is “authentic.” You can’t reach authentic community if you don’t let people see your imperfections.
It’s best to take the initiative right from the start.
If you see church leaders repeatedly getting defensive when asked about failures, that’s definitely something to watch out for. Likewise, if a church tries to cover up failures or frame times of failure as ready-made public relations campaigns, that’s a big warning sign.
Healthy churches embrace encouragement.
If you encounter a church that uses shame to influence you, run.
Seriously. Shame in any area of life is harmful: shame for giving more money, shame for missing Sunday, shame for your behavior, etc. The Holy Spirit does not use shame to change us. In fact, Paul specifically writes that “there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”
The church should not use the gospel message to shame people because Jesus is not going to come out of the grave and say, “See, you couldn’t do it, so I did it.” The gospel is the most uplifting message in history.
Don’t let anyone, even church members, tell you that it’s anything different.
At the end of this age, no church or pastor will sit in judgment.
If anyone acts as if they have the final say in whether or not you “get into heaven,” remember, first, that “getting to heaven” isn’t even the goal of the Christian faith, and second, that anyone who uses carrots to manipulate your behavior is not following a God who bestows grace in incredible generosity. They are not following a God who transforms through the love of Christ.
Healthy churches are not selective.
If you have to dress a certain way, be a certain skin color, or follow a predetermined set of rules to be welcomed into your church, you better be careful. Anytime people draw superficial lines to alienate others, they are separating themselves from the Savior who welcomed lepers, children, beggars, prostitutes, and thieves.
I’m not saying that discipleship isn’t important, I’m just saying that if a church starts excluding certain groups of people, there’s no reason why leaders couldn’t always find a reason to put you on the exclusion list.
I believe that belonging to a community of faith and being the body of Christ is crucial, which is why I try to point out our shortcomings without adding further disrespect to our families, so that I can invite the Holy Spirit into those areas to see change.
The best way to avoid manipulation in your church is to have leaders who know they are there to serve others, not the other way around, because the only way we will be successful in our mission is if we are different, which is exactly what Jesus told us to do.
There is no Plan B.
We either decide to be different from the rest of the world in the transformation that takes place in and through ourselves, or we don’t.
