Dear Abby: My sister has become very interested in Zen meditation, and I’m worried that she may be becoming obsessed with it.
She took part in a special meditation workshop where she spent a week meditating all day, every day, to the point where her back hurt from sitting the whole time.
She now says she wants to become a Zen monk, but to do so she needs to meditate at a Zen center for three months straight.
She has a husband and two teenage daughters who I seem to be ignoring. She has a master’s degree in economics from a prestigious university but works part-time as a bookkeeper so she can devote more time to the Zen Center.
How can I politely convince her to focus on her family and her career, and make Zen meditation a hobby rather than the center of her life?
— Western priorities
Important PrioritiesYour sister is an adult, intelligent and capable of deciding her own path in life.
Nowhere is it stated that her husband and children are against it.
No matter how “politely” you express your opinion on this matter, I don’t think it will be welcomed. Don’t voice your opinion unless asked.
Dear AbbyI am a 32 year old woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, my first and only partner, for 11 years.
Overall, our relationship is good. He is smart, kind, supportive, caring, loyal, and funny. I can see us getting married and living a happy life together.
The problem is, apart from a few short term jobs, he hasn’t had a job in the last 6 years since he left corporate life for his career and moved in with me.
I was doing well, but he applied for every job he could find in sales, management, healthcare, law enforcement, government, fast food, and no one would hire him.
Last year my husband developed heart disease that prevented him from doing physical work, and he also suffers from depression, so I pay for almost all of his expenses.
I am fortunate to have no credit card debt, but I have no retirement savings at 32. My job barely covers the living expenses for us and our pets.
I want to move forward in life and have an equal partner, we have discussed marriage and I feel he is the “one”, but how long should I hold out hope that he will find a job?
Should I just hold on to hope or should I consider ending the relationship and breaking both our hearts?
— Carrying a Burden in Florida
To those of you who are carrying a heavy burden: Have you ever considered that the reason the man you love has never been able to find employment all this time could be related to depression?
It would be beneficial for both of you if he sees a doctor and gets treatment. Free or low-cost counseling is available through your county or a university with a psychology department.
Before you end a relationship, consider this, it might be the solution to your problem.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jeanne Phillips) and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby can be contacted at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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