Raised in a conservative evangelical Christian household in Louisiana, Ray McDaniel longed for a book that focused on the exciting parts of gender exploration: more joy and fun, and less struggle.
“A lot of the literature so far has focused on the suffering and pain and risk factors, and that’s important,” said McDaniel, who identifies as queer and non-binary and uses “they/them” pronouns, “but I wasn’t looking at the other side of the coin.”
Years later, after becoming therapists working with transgender people, “I decided I needed to make it myself,” they said.
The resulting book, “Gender Magic,” is the resource McDaniel wishes she had when she was younger: a practical guide to achieving what McDaniel calls “gender freedom,” with an emphasis on positive coping strategies.
We asked Mx. McDaniel and other experts to recommend nonfiction books that explore mental health and the inner lives of LGBTQ people. There are too many titles to list here, so consider this list a starting point.
Memoirs can help people feel less alone, make sense of life experiences, and discover new perspectives on what it means to identify as LGBTQ.
In his 2020 coming-of-age tale, the stand-up comedian charts a gender-dysphoric childhood where he once dreamed of becoming a priest, and what happened when he came out as a lesbian at a Catholic college.
“Growing up, I felt so ashamed of my appearance, gender nonconformity and my body,” she said in an interview with Lambda Literary, an organization that supports LGBTQ books and authors.
She added that while she was writing, she had a photo of herself as a child stuck on her refrigerator and looked at it every day. “If I met a kid with a funny hairstyle or a crazy obsession with collecting Ken dolls instead of Barbie dolls, what would I think of this kid?” she said. “I kind of like this kid. She’s who she is.”
Written by a psychologist and first published 20 years ago in 2005, the book is still relevant to many gay men, said Miriam Geiger, a psychotherapist specializing in LGBTQ mental health.
“A key aspect of The Velvet Rage is that it explores how feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness are manifested in common stereotypical gay male behaviors such as overconfidence, hypersexuality and verbal meanness,” Geiger said.
She adds: “These stereotypes, often portrayed in the media as ‘sassy’ or ‘quirky’, are not innate characteristics but rather defense mechanisms that develop as a way to cope with deep-rooted shame and rejection.”
Although the book focuses on gay men, “its themes resonate with a wide range of LGBTQ people,” she said.
Described in a 2019 New York Times review as “a heartbreaking memoir of being gay in India and the world,” Indefinite Sentence is set in the 1980s during the early AIDS epidemic, includes depictions of outcast gay men and prostitutes, and encapsulates Dube’s search for love and self-worth.
Jeffrey Masters, host of the podcast LGBTQ&A, said when he first read Dube’s memoir, “it was like something cracked in my head.”
“How people experience sexuality, desire and gender is different everywhere you go,” said Masters, who is also a senior producer at The New Yorker Radio Hour. “Isn’t that liberating? There’s more than one way to be queer or trans.”
When comedian Cameron Esposito read “Fun Home,” Bechdel “This book changed my life,” she said of the illustrated memoir, published in 2006, describing it as “heartbreaking, honest and just world-changing.”
The book seeks to understand Bechdel’s complicated relationship with her father, who was closeted as gay and died shortly after she came out as a lesbian.
A few years later, in 2012, Bechdel explored the emotional entanglements between mother and daughter in her illustrated memoir, Are You My Mother?, which received rave reviews for its honest and insightful portrayal of Bechdel’s relationship with her mother and her experiences in therapy.
The book shows that while therapy plays a role in Bechdel’s story, it’s not about repairing what’s broken or changing who she is, Geiger said. “Rather, it’s about accepting who she really is, understanding her past and finding peace with her identity.”
The “A” in the LGBTQIA abbreviation stands for asexuality, but it’s often forgotten as an afterthought. If you liked “Ace” and “Belly of the Beast,” check out this 2022 book that explores what it means to be Black and asexual in America.
“People think that sex is something that we’re all obligated to participate in for some reason,” the authors, who use the pronouns “they/she,” said on the podcast “Sensual Self” in November 2022. The authors hope that the book will help “people free themselves from the burden of trying to force themselves into a box they don’t belong in.”
Research shows that one of the best ways for LGBTQ youth to protect themselves from problems like depression, suicide attempts, and even homelessness is support from their families.
This new book is a guide for caregivers who want to support transgender young people in their lives, as well as for readers who are interested in exploring their own identity or simply want to learn more about gender-experienced people.
Written by Dr. Turban, director of the Gender Psychiatry Program at the University of California, San Francisco, “Free to Be” tells the stories of three young transgender people and covers several topics, including the science behind the origins of gender identity and gender-affirming care.
Published in 2018, this collection of essays was written by a longtime disability justice activist and performance artist to celebrate the process of creating space for queer people of color with illnesses and disabilities.
“I dream the greatest disability dream of my life, not just of a revolutionary movement in which we are not abandoned, but of a movement in which we are at the forefront,” Piepzna Samarasinghe wrote.
“I love this book,” said McDaniel, who has a disability, describing it as “warm, empowering and easy to read.”
How do queer and transgender people build resilience in a society where they may not be welcoming? That’s the central question addressed in this self-help workbook, published in 2018. The book was created by Dr. Singh, a teacher researcher and administrator at Tulane University and co-founder of the Georgia Safe Schools Coalition, which aims to reduce heterosexism, prejudice, and racism in Georgia schools.
The book focuses on many of the key components of resilience, including having a positive view of yourself and your capabilities, knowing your worth, creating a supportive community, and finding the strength to help others.
Abby E. Goldberg, a professor of psychology at Clark University and author of Building an LGBTQ Family: A Guide for Prospective Parents, says the collection of essays is timeless even though it was published in 2006. Funny and poignant, the essays detail the experiences of nonbiological lesbian mothers, who can sometimes feel invisible.
Eisley describes it as “a campfire experience where a non-biological lesbian mother listens to the stories of women who are on the same path as her.”
