Editor’s note: If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text TALK to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.
FARGO — People with disabilities all have unique life experiences, but when it comes to mental health, members of the disability community often face additional challenges and barriers that unite them, three people with disabilities told the forum.
A former mayor, a middle school student and a dedicated volunteer spoke to the forum about how their everyday mental health struggles are exacerbated by the reality of their disabilities and the systemic obstacles they face as a result.
Twelve-year-old Nora Abrams has a busy schedule of writing seminars, classes, and extracurricular activities. She dreams of becoming a biologist and has just finished the sixth grade at Fargo Middle School.
Nora was born with a sensory processing disorder and needed to use mobility aids for several years, her mother, Sarah Abrams, told the forum.
“When you’re born with a disability or you’ve lived with a disability for a long time, you don’t think it’s unusual,” Nora says. “You just think it’s about being yourself.”
“I really think that people with disabilities and mental illnesses grow over time from what they’re given,” she added.
Dave Shoab, 43, of Fargo, has been disabled since he was a baby and now uses a wheelchair.
“Some days it bothers me, some days it doesn’t,” he says, “but mostly it’s life.”
Shove has deep ties to the metro community and spends his time volunteering, supporting people with disabilities and working with children.
Similarly, former Moorhead Mayor Del Ray Williams has a long history of community service.
She suffered a stroke in late 2022, leaving her to juggle rehabilitation, changes in her motor skills and increased mental health needs.
Ms Williams told the forum that becoming disabled was a “huge, overwhelming change” for her and her life, and that she had spent the years since then working to rediscover herself and deal with the impact on her mental health.
“I always feel lonely when I travel.”
Shove said it was important for people to understand that there were differences between the mental health experiences of people with disabilities and those without.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, adults with disabilities experience frequent mental distress at five times the rate of their non-disabled peers.
Schaub’s mental health journey has been a long one, he said.
Alyssa Goelzer / Forum
At age 11, his school sent him to a psychologist after he began saying things like “the world would be better without me” and “I want to live in a trash can.”
But it took years for him to find a solution: He didn’t start seeing a counselor regularly until he was in his 20s, and he spent his teens and early 20s desperately searching for a solution to a situation that no professional could identify.
He said he was misdiagnosed many times over the years, eventually being diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 27.
“Looking back, I should have been diagnosed when I was 11,” he said. “None of the doctors wanted to accept bipolar disorder because many didn’t believe it was real. In fact, some psychiatrists said it wasn’t real and was just an excuse to behave the way you wanted.”
For him, the diagnosis brought proper treatment and relief: he finally had a diagnosis that helped him combat the stigma he faced.
For Nora, one of the biggest impacts on her mental health is the behavior of others.
Although she has a supportive network of friends, she says she still faces bullying from classmates and obstacles at school because of her disability.
Some children say that she “doesn’t look disabled” and therefore shouldn’t receive any special consideration.
“It was pretty tough being found out I have a disability. I got yelled at and teased because of the way I looked and the way I acted. I definitely got told off for using the elevator at school when I needed to,” she said.
She said the intolerance doesn’t just come from other kids, but from teachers and administrators at school.
“Personally, PE classes are hard because the goals the teachers set are not goals I can achieve,” Nora said. “I don’t know anything except that I can’t run as far as I used to, I can’t jump as high as I used to, and I can’t meet most of the expectations of my PE teachers. But I’ve definitely adapted and learned to make up for it by working harder and harder in my other classes.”
Nora said she uses a variety of tools to address her mental health and move past those comments to move forward with her goals, adding that she has learned to stand up for herself and assert her needs.
“I always feel alone in my journey, especially at school,” Nora said.
Williams is, at heart, an active, social helper and community builder, she said, and after her stroke, she felt like those parts of her were damaged, too.
Part of the mental strain of adjusting to life with a disability comes from reevaluating one’s sense of self, Williams said, noting that one’s own sense of self is born out of how well one can help others.
David Samson / Forum
“Life was different at that point,” Williams said. “Who I am and what I can contribute is very important to me, so I had to work on that.”
Long-term or short-term disabilities can happen to anyone at any time: According to the CDC, one in four U.S. adults has some type of disability.
Williams now has difficulty communicating using a computer and needs extra accommodations when getting around town in his wheelchair.
Williams said she received counselling and medication to address her mental health issues, which helped her become the person she recognised again.
“I found value in myself. I realized I had value and I wasn’t a burden,” Williams said. “It took me a while to figure out what this new life was.”
“That becomes very difficult.”
Shove said that as well as addressing their own mental health needs, people with disabilities also face systemic barriers in accessing mental health care.
A lot of it comes down to finances, he said, noting that people with disabilities don’t always have insurance that will pay for all or part of the medical expenses they need.
“It’s going to be a lot harder,” Schaub said. “You’re going to have to jump through a lot more hurdles.”
Figuring out how to pay for mental health care is difficult, he said.
“When it came to buying a wheelchair, the insurance company paid 80 percent straight away,” he says, “but when it came to things like seeing a therapist, they’re like, ‘Hmm, no, we’re not going to do that.'”
Mr Shove said that receiving his disability pension also places restrictions on his working life and that not being able to work is having a negative impact on his mental health.
“I live off the government,” he said. “It’s the worst. I want to work, but I can’t.”
He said his government disability pension would be reduced if he got a job, adding that there was a limit to how much he could earn each month before his pension was cut off.
“All the doctors and therapists will be gone,” he said.
He said he would need to work a 40-hour week job paying at least $26 an hour to cover all the services he needs to survive.
“There’s no entry-level job in the world that would make that kind of money,” he says, adding that he’s not sure he’ll be able to work a traditional 40-hour work week anytime soon.
He said that if he could, he would like to work in child welfare, noting that he spends a lot of time volunteering with children.
Nora said catering to the needs of people with disabilities and those who require mental health considerations is becoming more common among younger generations, and she said she has seen it become more evident at her school.
“We’ve become much more accepting of different communities,” she said.
Alyssa Goelzer / Forum
But her mother said there are areas in the school system that could be improved.
“The system is in some ways failing kids who don’t have enough disabilities,” Sarah Abrams said.
Sarah Abrams told the forum that the family felt supported by Fargo Public Schools when Nora was using a mobility aid in elementary school, but once she started middle school and her leg brace came off, they saw a change in accommodations from children and adults alike.
Nora said the change has affected her mental health.
“I feel like on the first day of school[next year]I have to give all my teachers a special note saying I’m disabled, or they’ll think I’m just a complainer who doesn’t need help,” she said. “It definitely strikes a chord.”
Williams said the stigma surrounding receiving mental health care can be a barrier for some people.
She says she had never experienced depression or anxiety before her stroke and had never sought mental health services before.
“I do it now and it’s OK,” Williams said. “It doesn’t bother me or anyone else knowing. It’s what I need right now and it’s working.”
The solution, she said, is to talk about mental health care and normalize it.
She said while people go to the doctor when they are physically ill, it should be just as common to receive treatment for mental health needs.
“This does not reflect our values or the values of the people we know and love. It’s just a part of life and if we stigmatize it, it undermines people’s ability to choose to support it,” Williams said. “We don’t want that.”
Finding what works can be a long journey, which is why it’s important that seeking professional mental health services becomes the norm, she said.
Schaub has a semicolon tattooed on his left arm to remind himself that he could have stopped living but didn’t.
In popular culture, the semicolon has become a symbol of solidarity for people who have experienced a variety of mental health issues, including suicidal thoughts. Grammatically, the semicolon is a tool used to join two closely linked sentences.
Schaub said the tattoo serves as a signal to all who see it to keep moving forward.
That’s especially important for the disability community, he said.
“Suicide because of a disability doesn’t make it PG, but it’s expected in a way. It’s considered more likely to happen,” Schaub said.
According to the CDC, adults with disabilities are three times more likely to have suicidal thoughts than those without disabilities, and mental illness is more prevalent among people with disabilities, making them a risk factor for suicide.
Shove said it’s important for people to know that mental health is something everyone has to think about at some point.
Nora said there are plenty of resources to help people deal with mental health issues, including healthy personal habits, communicating with friends and family and getting professional help.
Williams said looking after one’s mental health can help people pursue and achieve their goals.
“You only live once,” she says. “With or without a disability, you are worthy. You can do something.”
Continuing the “Pay Attention to Mental Health” series
In our “Minding Mental Health” series, Forum reporters take a deep dive into mental health topics in our community. Issues surrounding mental health impact many places: the home, the classroom, the playground and the criminal justice system. Read on to learn more about the people behind the issue and how the Capital Region is trying to address mental health challenges. Have a story idea? Share it with us by emailing news@forumcomm.com.
