tales of terror
1808
The following is a sermon given by Dr. Chris Hoff at the Sky Moon Zen Saturday morning gathering on May 18, 2024. He is one of the Zen masters of Empty Moon Zen. Dr. Hoff leads our Zen Recovery Sangha. He is also the executive director of the California Family Institute, a nonprofit organization that provides access to counseling services to underserved communities. He also has a podcast called Radical Therapist, which is worth checking out.
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Last Saturday, during a book study session held on the 2nd of every month.n.d. Saturday of
Month. I remembered one of the great shames of my life.our group is studying
landlord koan book, by Eve Marco and Wendy Nakao. Last week, we were studying a chapter titled “Enju: The Black Abyss,” which explores the concepts of loss, illness, old age, and death. In the conversation that followed, I remembered when my favorite cat, Kitty, was put to bed.
At that time, I had been traveling with Kitty for nearly 20 years.kitty was my best friend
Even when I was deep in alcohol and drugs, Kitty was there for me through thick and thin.
It comforted me when I was experiencing loneliness.
As I entered recovery and my life reorganized, I experienced a different kind of loneliness. To my great disappointment, it was time to put Kitty to bed. I couldn’t. I couldn’t be in the room. My great shame was that I didn’t have the courage to face death with my best friend. I didn’t show up for my friend. I asked my wife to take my place. I still remember this embarrassment.
Later that same day, I read an article in the Guardian written by a therapist. We all want to cut out the bad parts of ourselves.It doesn’t work and it doesn’t make us happy.In the article, the author states that as therapists, we are expected to somehow help our clients get rid of the bad parts they want to ignore and make them go away forever. Her argument, and mine too, is that clients have shown us time and time again that a better life isn’t about ignoring or hiding everything we don’t like about ourselves; It’s about building relationships. all We look at ourselves and approach the good, the bad, and the ugly with true consideration.
Reading this article also got me thinking about spiritual bypassing. Spiritual bypassing is a term first coined by psychologist John Wellwood in 1984, and refers to the use of spiritual practices or beliefs to avoid dealing with emotional problems, heartbreak, or unfinished business. It means to use. From a Buddhist perspective, spiritual bypassing can emerge when individuals use Buddhist teachings and meditation practices to avoid facing personal problems, emotional pain, and unresolved issues. there is. You can see this happening in spiritual communities. There, people have been hurt by teachers who, though in many ways very skilled and wise, have always avoided personal and emotional problems that always seem to find their way into relationships. I did. I’m always shocked when something like this happens. But in better moments, after I had time to digest the judgments and criticisms that came my way, I realized that I was them too. Human life is full of mistakes. I make harmful mistakes as well. It’s just not in the spotlight.
I think it’s hard to blame people for wanting to ignore or hide all the things they can’t stand about themselves. We live in a culture that discourages us from looking at ourselves clearly. The past few decades have produced leaders who promote a special brand of shamelessness. We are increasingly encouraged to point out the little things about our neighbors. eyewhile ignoring our own boards. eye. Also, in an effort to avoid seeing our own flaws, we often use psychiatric diagnoses as our identity rather than facing the fact that we might just be assholes. I prefer to accept it as such. And in my work as a relational therapist, it’s becoming nearly impossible to hold someone accountable or make amends. the right thing It is the fashion of our time.
So why is this important for Zen practitioners? Why is it important for those on a spiritual path to turn away from their own shadows? Well, if we cannot articulate our own suffering, how can we help the suffering of others?
I am a student of Koan-do. It wasn’t really a deliberate choice. That’s because I was fortunate enough to have a mentor-student relationship with James Ford. If you practice with James, you’ll be doing koans. I’m not the best student of koans. I know that. But I show up. I often play around with koans, but there is one that I have cherished ever since I first encountered it. This koan is important to me for several reasons. It is considered a “minor” koan. It is included in the “Zakoanshu” and is said to “save ghosts.”
My teacher, James, said that in Koans, we are learning how to deepen and expand our encounter with the most intimate things in life. The first time I was faced with this question, I had an experience. It’s an experience that can best be described as transformative. This seemingly “miscellaneous” koan gave me a deep encounter with myself. I now carry it with me carefully. This is a koan for my life, my work as a therapist, and today. Why this koan? I think it’s because of where it points. My teacher wrote that when we use the word “ghost” in English, it means something specific. It refers to what remains after a person dies. We’re talking about something that lingers. Something is following me.
Did you hear meow?
Dogen taught as follows.
Learning Buddhism is learning about the self. To study the self is to forget the self. Forgetting the self means becoming actualized by a myriad of things. When various things become reality, our own bodies and minds, as well as the bodies and minds of others, fall away. No trace of realization remains, and this trace continues indefinitely.
If you have been involved with Zen for a while, you will be familiar with this teaching. To study the self is to forget the self. When I first started practicing, I always wondered how to study self. I thought we should forget ourselves. The self is an illusion, a dream, full of snares and snares. That “minor” Koan Save A Ghost moment brought awareness to my question.
12-step recovery is a process where people are asked to learn about themselves.th step. FourNumber Steps to ask people in recovery to mTake an inquisitive and fearless moral inventory of yourself. This step involves a thorough and honest self-examination. The goal is to identify and recognize personal challenges, resentments, fears, and toxic behaviors in relationships. It is a process of introspection and self-awareness that requires courage and honesty. It is an act of growing on the spiritual path.
Before I was introduced to Dogen, when I first embarked on this work during my convalescence, I heard an elderly gentleman say:th This step, a deep process of self-exploration, was not about finding out what kind of bad person I was, but rather finding out who I wasn’t and stripping it away to reveal my true self. .
Or, as Dogen taught, Learning Buddhism is learning about the self. To study the self is to forget the self. Forgetting the self means becoming actualized by a myriad of things.
Bodhisattvas are everywhere.
Back to shame. Or is it my shame?
buddha called shame bright guardian of the world and noble treasureit is so valuable that it can protect you from a life of regret and harm.
According to the Buddhist monk Thanisaro Bhikkhu, there are two kinds of shame: unhealthy shame, which is the opposite of what is called self-respect, and healthy shame, which is the opposite of shamelessness. It is this second kind of shame that the Buddha calls a bright guardian or treasure. Thanisaro Bhikkhu also believes that all shame becomes pathological and if not consciously addressed, it burrows deep within the mind and people are unable to think clearly about it, sending out tentacles and causing harm to those around us. claims to expand.
The Buddha believed that, with proper training, a healthy dose of shame can be an effective antidote, bringing the issue to light and showing that shame can be a powerful force for good and personal responsibility. I believed I could do it. This is a very different conclusion from many people working on shame abolition. Many of them are in my field.
In my time with him, my teacher made it very clear that this project, Zen, was not a psychological project, but rather an awakening project. Because of my line of work, I think we must always be careful about the risk of psychologizing Buddhism. To present something other than the path of awakening. But my teacher also articulated another aspect of the path to awakening in which I think psychology, or therapy, plays a role. It’s in the growth project. I believe that awakening is real. Awakening is possible. But in my case, the journey to awakening had to start with growing up. It still is.
I lost my parents last year. Difficult times continued. Among these losses, I had a very different experience than when I turned my back on the death of my beloved cat and friend, Kitty. I didn’t turn my back on my parents. It appeared. I don’t think this would have happened if I hadn’t examined the shame in my life. The difficult part. regret.
save the ghost
Fourth step
A bodhisattva cat that continues to teach.
Everyone taught me not to look away.
Look, look, take a good look. Even if it’s scary. Especially scary ones.
