In this editorial, Sahaj Kaur Kohli, MA, LGPC, NCC, explores going to therapy as the daughter of Indian immigrants and what inspired her to start Brown Girl Therapy.
When I sought therapy 10 years ago, I had no idea what to expect. I wasn’t fluent in therapy, and Instagram was just a place to post sepia-toned photos for consumption, so there wasn’t an immediate influx of information or education. I acted blindly to overcome the effects of a long-term relationship, triggers from a traumatic experience I had several years ago, and low self-esteem.
Going to therapy for the first time can be difficult for anyone, but it was especially difficult for me, the daughter of Indian immigrants and the first in my family to be born in the West. In my family, and often in my culture, therapy is considered taboo, and most issues surrounding mental health care are lumped together under the label “white people’s issues.” In fact, taking care of yourself may be considered selfish. After all, I grew up in a collectivistic culture where I was expected and encouraged to prioritize family and community over everything else, including myself. I grew up in a family with values, norms, and expectations that were diametrically opposed to my socialized American environment.
It was hard to reconcile this push and pull between being around family and being alone with friends. I now know that this was ultimately a feeling rooted in straddling a bicultural identity, defined by researchers as “the ongoing process of adjustment that results from living among two distinct cultural influences.”
Instead of getting therapy to process those feelings (because it was inaccessible and simply didn’t appeal to me), I grew up looking for self-help and self-improvement books and content, which only reinforced my feelings of inferiority. They made me believe that I was never good enough or that I was not good enough. myself It’s a problem. Like me, many children of immigrants are left out of these wellness spaces. parts It reflects our bicultural identity. This means that as of 2021, one out of every four children in the U.S. (under 18 years old) is a child of an immigrant, or a child of an immigrant, or a second-generation immigrant in the United States, or a child of an immigrant. Despite the fact that it is. The prevalence of psychological distress is twice as high compared to immigrant parents.
Therapy was the first time I had a professional, confidential space to talk about myself and my feelings without worrying that I was taking up too much space, boring them, or even worse, that they were judging me. I didn’t have to worry that my family would find out or that my reputation would be ruined — fears rooted in cultural values of saving face. That was mainly because moving provided me with physical and emotional distance from my parents, allowing me to pursue this mental health care without them knowing.
