BPPA President Larry Calderone speaks as Project Delta delivers stuffed animals to Boston police union headquarters. (Nancy Lane/Boston Herald)
Psychiatrists at Boston Medical Center say talking openly about when parents are unable to protect their children from extreme violence around the world and close to home may actually help. Explain to patient.
“Many parents feel that they need to have all the answers before they talk to their children about the violence that may be happening in their own community, as well as in other communities that they hear about on the news. I feel it,” he said. Dr. Christine Crawford, BMC Adult, Child, and Adolescent Psychiatrist; “But really, it’s not about providing answers and solving problems. It’s really about connecting with kids and how they make sense of events happening around them and in the world. It’s about understanding what’s going on.”
Information about the world’s extreme violence, from the wars in Ukraine and Gaza to record gun violence in close quarters of the United States, is more accessible than ever to children and teens. Such events can cause “vicarious trauma” within families everywhere, Crawford said.
At the start of Mental Health Awareness Month, Crawford is encouraging more parents and caregivers to talk about mental health.
Crawford said many parents worry about how to have difficult conversations about violence with their children. In situations like this, she said it’s important to be curious and focus on connecting with your child.
“If we had an incident related to gun violence in (the child’s) community, it was pretty close,” Crawford said. “That would be scary for anyone, right? Instead of starting the conversation by saying, ‘Oh, I know it’s affecting you a lot.’ That’s awful. That’s scary. “I’m really interested, but what do you do?” How is it going? ‘ That’s why we’re connected. ”
From there, parents can try to create a space where children can share their thoughts and reactions and “model” how to deal with stressful events, the psychiatrist added.
“I can say, ‘Honestly, I was really saddened to hear what happened in our community,'” Crawford said. “The way I’ve been dealing with my grief is spending a lot of time talking to friends and going to the gym because it makes me feel a little bit better.” In addition to modeling how to talk about thoughts and feelings, you will be providing some examples of effective coping strategies for dealing with intense emotions. ”
Some children may not find this situation acceptable or ready to talk about it, and that’s okay, Crawford said. The key is “planting a seed to let your child know that you’re willing and open to have this conversation,” and maybe they’ll come back, she added.
Crawford said parents should also consider reflecting on how they feel about the event to prepare them to feel comfortable talking about it with their children.
Crawford said parents can also pay attention to how violent events may affect their child’s behavior and patterns over time. If your child seems to have ongoing fear or stress, or if your child’s ability to function is affected, or if you have emotional or behavioral concerns, your pediatrician is the best first point of contact.
“There’s so much going on in the world, but we’re not talking about how to talk about it in a meaningful way, how to talk about it in a way that really centers the child’s experience,” Closing said. Mr. Ford said. … “Having these conversations about how to deal with challenges can lead to positive social and emotional development for children.”
