At the 2024 Utah Anti-Pornography Coalition Conference, Elder Dale G. Renlund of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles asked his audience to do the seemingly impossible.
He gave the audience a nail and drove it into a block of wood so that it stood upright. He then told her to balance the other 14 nails on one upright nail.
Naturally, women had a difficult time completing the task. But then Elder Renlund taught her a trick. By interlocking 12 nails in a specific pattern between two horizontal nails, all 14 could be successfully balanced on one upright nail.
Elder Renlund said the keys are two horizontal pegs, one representing a person affected by pornography and the other representing belief in a higher power. The remaining 12 nails represented people who can help lift up those affected by pornography, including family, friends, church leaders, and mental health professionals.
Each symbolic claw “contributes”[s] Elder Renlund said, adding, “I believe that through a combination of motivation, education, hard work, faith, and appropriate treatment, individuals, marriages, and families can heal and overcome the negative effects of pornography.”
Elder Renlund was the opening keynote speaker at the 2024 Utah Anti-Pornography Coalition Conference held in Salt Lake City on Saturday, May 4th.
He was joined by Dan Gray, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in addiction counseling. Jill Manning holds a PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy and specializes in treating individuals affected by infidelity and compulsive sexual behavior. Throughout his address, Elder Renlund presented them with hypothetical scenarios and solicited their expert opinions on a variety of pornography-related issues.
“My church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I condemn pornography in any form,” Elder Renlund said. “It is damaging to individuals, families, and society. It separates us from God and impairs our ability to feel the influence of the Holy Spirit. All forms of pornographic material are unhealthy, and therefore there is a ban on their production, distribution, and use. Of course you are against it.”
professional perspective
Elder Renlund presented Gray and Manning with four hypothetical scenarios.
- Bob, 16, watches porn frequently and feels very ashamed of himself. He finally tells his parents. How should they react?
- Joan’s boyfriend, Eric, told her about his intermittent porn use, usually caused by stress. He works with church leaders and participates in addiction recovery programs. Should Joanne end her relationship?
- Karen has been open with her husband and church leaders about her long history of viewing pornography. She has improved greatly, but after her recent relapse she is so devastated that she thinks even God cannot love her. What is the best way to advise her?
- Natalie’s husband Joe had a big problem with porn. While working with his therapist, he became happier and felt more in control. But Natalie is still hurt. What is the best way to advise both her and Joe?
In the first scenario, Ms. Gray said it was important that Bob’s parents not react with shock, anger, or disappointment, as that would only further strengthen his shame and reduce the possibility that Bob would confide in his parents in the future. He said that it would only lower the
In the second scenario, Manning said Joanne should know that healing and recovery is possible and that Eric’s conflicts do not necessarily break up the agreement in the relationship. But she also asks Eric a lot of questions about his porn habits, observes how serious he is in his recovery efforts, and questions whether or not he can walk with someone in recovery. You also need to be “rigorously honest” with yourself.
“I want to say that not everyone can do that, but that’s okay,” Manning said.
In the third scenario, Karen goes from feeling “toxic shame” (the feeling that her actions make her bad) to “God-given repentance” where she realizes her actions were wrong. Gray said there is a need to change the way people think. Let her learn from her mistakes.
And in the fourth scenario, Manning said it’s important for Joe to acknowledge the harm he caused. Manning said as Natalie’s pain is witnessed, her pain will begin to heal.
The healing power of Jesus Christ
In addition to emphasizing expert knowledge, Elder Renlund testified to the healing power of Jesus Christ.
“He gives hope to the seemingly hopeless and help to those who are lost,” Elder Renlund said. “As you come to know God, you discover that He loves to heal the wounds you cannot heal, to repair what is irreparably broken, and to make up for the injustices you have experienced. I did.
“And God loves so much that even broken hearts will be forever repaired.”
