150th run kentucky derby Today means one thing…drinking all day long.
Well, I guess that also means horse racing and all the wealthy people who have spent millions of hours and millions of dollars trying to become the next champion. For now, my initial funding is in Mystik Dan. Because a person always wants to go with an animal named after a person. Track Phantom also sounds pretty cool.
I’ve heard the name Mystic Dan before, but it’s the name of a fast horse, and the 20-to-1 odds should be a good payout at this point. You heard it here first.
Anyway, back to what the average person likes to do on Derby Day…drink like a horse. Have you ever seen a horse drinking water? I don’t like it…it’s like having gallons at once. That’s the plan for this weekend.
But Wes, you say…Isn’t the Kentucky Derby a classy event? Seersucker suits, fancy hats, mint juleps, the whole nine yards?
Yeah…. no.
And now I think I finally understand how such a classy party can turn into this kind of madness. It’s a mint julep.
Do you know what’s in a mint julep? I didn’t know anything about it other than a type of mint. It would have been embarrassing to ask. So I did a little research and found a video that explains how to make it. I’m shocked and appalled that I’ve never made one before.
The basic ingredients are bourbon (Kentucky, of course), mint, sugar, and ice. Sounds easy, right? Mix them together, pour into a standard cocktail glass, and voila!
mistaken.
The first step is to prepare a pint glass. Yes, a whole 16 oz pint glass. Horse racing can be over in a flash, and you can’t just stay in the drink line while the ponies are running.
Then, when you eat the mint equivalent of a side salad, you might think a few leaves are enough, but again, you’re wrong. You want that cup of mint leaves to look like something you could feed a family of rabbits with for days.
Next, take a sugar cube (horses love sugar, of course) and mash it with the mint salad in a pint glass. Add the ice, then add the bourbon.
Now, this is very important and you should pay close attention to what she does, not what she says. She’s going to say you need 2 ounces of bourbon. Now, I never took any particular measurements, but she pours half of that damn bottle into that pint glass.
As I said, I’m not interested in measurements, but anything over 2 ounces is terrible. We’re talking about as much bourbon as the damn horses rustle.
Check it out:
Suddenly everything made sense.
This, folks, is why the Kentucky Derby is an absolute shitshow. It’s all because of this sneaky little cocktail called the Mint Julep.
16 oz. Mint salad with a healthy bourbon dressing. It’s delicious, refreshing, and powerful enough to flatten your stomach in less than an hour. And I can’t wait…
