I will be 80 years old in June. During my early years in the Methodist Church, I was convinced that I was called to the priesthood. He majored in religious studies at Duke University and later served as a pastoral assistant and director of religious education at a small church in upstate New York. Then, in the summer of 1967, I went to Tucson to study creative movement expression education at the Tucson Creative Dance Center.
Now, which church should we go to? I had time and opportunity to explore.
I visited Methodist churches, Presbyterian churches, and Lutheran churches, but I was never invited to a specific location. I had already ruled out the Catholic Church, but the dance center maintenance guy convinced me to give it a try. “Go to the 6 a.m. Mass. There’s still time to go somewhere after that.”
I snuck into the back seat at 5:45 and fell to my knees, unprepared for what followed. The priest appeared as if he had just gotten out of bed, kissed the altar, murmured, “The Lord be with you,” then snorted and wiped his nose on Alba’s sleeve.
What immediately went through my mind was, “These people are not here for this person. They must be here for…God!”
You can laugh, but I knew at that moment that I was going to become a Catholic. What about my vocation to ordination? no worries. 1968, Vatican II. Change was in the air. All I had to do was be patient. The women’s ordination ceremony was just around the corner.
A few years later, I became a full-fledged Catholic. I worked in parochial schools for over 15 years, first as a teacher and then as a liturgical minister. When it was time for a change of pace, I took a year off to write, live by my personal religious vows, and supplement my savings with part-time jobs.
Over the years, I earned a master’s degree in pastoral ministry from the University of San Francisco, as well as certificates in spiritual direction and therapeutic harp work.
I then worked as a certified music practitioner for 15 years, playing the harp at patients’ bedsides in hospice inpatient units. It was truly a “sacred place” experience. The unit felt like a church, and the patients felt like beloved parishioners.
The hospice was looking to increase the number of chaplains, so I enrolled in the New Seminary for Interreligious Studies ordination program, a two-year low-residency program in New York City. She had three women in the accelerated program, all of whom were Catholic. All of them rejected ordination by our church, but as interfaith ministers, we are still grateful for the path to ordination.
After retiring from hospice, I volunteered weekly as a chaplain and bedside harpist at a hospital in Tucson until COVID-19 shut everything down.
I currently write for the “Defending the Faith” section of the Sunday Arizona Daily Star, building on years of work on behalf of the Catholic Church and the broader Christian community.
No complaints. But I will forever ask “why?” Why wasn’t I ordained by my church to serve in hospices, hospitals, recreation centers, the military, women’s prisons, battered women’s shelters, and parish churches?
I don’t see myself as a victim of an intentionally discriminatory church, but I do see myself as a victim of an organization that doesn’t deal with women scientifically, biblically, theologically, morally, or justly. I think of them as protectors.
Some women tell me that they can’t stay in the church because ordination for women may never happen in their lifetime. But for me, I know that this is not about “me” in my lifetime, nor is it about “me”. It is about the calling and vision that will be realized in that era. And I have a responsibility to preserve and give voice to that vision as much as I can, despite all the years I’ve built up.
I cannot leave a Church that nourishes me with its liturgy and sacraments, a Church that nourishes my soul with ancient wisdom and deep practices of prayer, contemplation, and spiritual pilgrimage.
I will continue to express my vision. Because if I don’t, I’m not the person God created me to be. And if the vision remains unvoiced and the call unanswered, the church will be poorer for it.
