Dear Bucknell Friends:
We lost a light in our community in Christian Samai ’24.
There are and will continue to be painful and difficult days (and weeks and months) ahead. Grief is not simple or linear. There are no “stages” that we “work through”. And if we can immortalize the words “move on,” we will be a healthier species for it.
In my experience, grief comes in waves. One day we will wake up, the sun will shine, we will smile and laugh and we will be ready to learn. And some days you’ll struggle to take your first steps out of bed.
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Losing a classmate or student who was so young, so vibrant, and so suddenly is one of the hardest things this harsh world has to offer. And doing this right after a horrific campus lockdown and in the midst of all the wars and terrorism around the world is a huge burden to bear. It may seem like too much.
You have heard, and no doubt will continue to hear, that we need to ask for support and assistance. Trauma and grief are normal reactions to abnormal situations. You are allowed to take time and space to process, grieve, and confuse.
I breathe. eat. shower. walk. Please show up with me. Text people. Take advantage of the wealth of resources at your disposal. pray. Please meditate. As the old saying goes, the only way out is through.
And in my not-so-humble opinion, the best way to get through this is together.
In time, as we move forward together, we realize that grief, paradoxically, is also a great gift. A painful gift. And a thankless gift. It doesn’t make up for or justify the pain. But a solid gift.
“We are not the only survivors,” wrote the great Helen Keller. “We belong to the largest company in the world, a company of people who have known suffering. Let us think of our great family with heavy hearts, and inevitably we will feel their arms, their sympathy, their understanding towards us.”
We are now a wonderful family with heavy hearts, as well as others, as we have lost a beloved member of our community. On Tuesday night, hundreds of us gathered in the chapel (hundreds more overflowing and overflowing) to share grief and tears and stories and light. And we were reminded again and again of the importance of friendship, the need to express love to each other, and the need to ask for support.
Grief, in its simplest form, is a mixture of loss and love. And it can be very clear. It reminds us of what matters most and shows us what we can let go of. And if we allow it, it can draw us into a deeper sense of community, empathy, friendship, and compassion than we ever thought possible.
Thank you for supporting each other. Thank you for joining us this week. For hugs and quiet comfort. You don’t have to say the right words. We can just hold each other through this moment. Thank you for reaching out to your faculty, pastors, counselors, deans, family, staff, and friends for the support you need.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who is supporting us.
Thank you for striving for a deeper community. It is a community of value to Christians and to all of us.
We grieve, and we grieve together. And that in itself is a gift. When you’re ready, listen to Helen Keller’s story again.
“Believe that in your most unfortunate moments there is something you can do in this world. As long as you can ease the pain of others, your life is not in vain.”
Sending you love.
Pastor Kurt Nelson
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